Ask before you throw it out

Dear Annie: You recently wrote that an adult daughter was wrong to discard her mother’s pantry food without asking her first — even food that had expired. What do you think about the current trend of girlfriends and wives discarding their boyfriends’ and husbands’ outdated clothes?

I read an article in a major newspaper by a fashionista advising women to throw or give away their male significant others’ unfashionable clothes — without consulting them first. An example given was cargo shorts. Then I saw this happen on a popular television show. The wife attempted secretly to discard her husband’s beloved but unfashionable shorts.

What do you think of this practice, Annie? What if a boyfriend or husband did the same? What if a fashion writer advocated such? I think there would be an outcry. Why is it OK for women then? Isn’t this a double standard? Please speak to this trend.

Worried Cargo Shorts Owner

Dear Worried Cargo Shorts Owner: If this is indeed a trend, no one is wearing it well. Going through someone’s closet and discarding his or her items without asking is wrong, plain and simple. It doesn’t matter if that person is your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend — or anyone else with whom you feel close enough to take such decisions into your own hands. In fact, respecting boundaries becomes more important the closer the relationship is.

We can try offering our significant others some fashion feedback, but that’s about the extent of it. Loving someone means loving him or her as is, extra pockets and all.

Dear Annie: I support “Oregon Reader,” who takes offense to such words as elderly, senior and aging, which seem to be the favorite descriptions of many writers. Can’t we just say “older” if anything has to be said? I cringe every time I see the word elderly. I despise it. It conjures up images of people who no longer take care of themselves. And that does not include me. I am 86, and anyone who knows me knows better than to describe me as elderly. Thank you, “Oregon Reader,” for saying it much better than I could. I so agree with your feelings.

Florida Reader

Dear Florida Reader: That letter unleashed a dichotomous deluge in my inbox — letters from readers who concur with you and “Oregon Reader” and letters from others who don’t. Here’s the flip side from another Florida reader.