A husband demands that everything be done his way

Dear Annie: My husband is controlling. Everything has to be his way. I’ve caught him in lies. We argue constantly. I get pretty tired of it, but I come right back to him every time. I’m trying to figure out what to do.

We’ve both had hard lives. I’ve heard some concerning things about how he treated his ex-wife. I’m a nice and sweet person. I just want to be treated right. I don’t like being yelled at or controlled. I used to work but now I can’t get a job because he doesn’t want me to get a job. Also, he still constantly deals with his ex-girlfriend. She and I can’t stand each other. She’s been stalking him for seven years. I tried telling him to change his number and he won’t. I don’t know if he’s still talking to her; she calls him privately. I was wondering what to do. I think he still has feelings for her, because otherwise he’d have told her to stop “stalking” him, instead of just letting it continue. What do you think?

Stay or Go

Dear Stay or Go: If this marriage is to continue, you and your husband need to try a little tenderness — to aim for patience, kindness and trust. You’ve got too much of the opposite going now, and it leaves no room for love. A licensed marriage counselor could help you both out of this resentment rut and onto a sturdier foundation of trust and communication. If counseling doesn’t yield results and you still feel controlled, stuck and deceived, then it’s time to go. Marriage should make you feel stronger, not weaker.

Dear Annie: Oh,howI needed the beautiful and uplifting poem, “The Optimist,” that reader Beryl submitted. My husband and I are in the winter of our lives, and he is facing a life-threatening illness. We are sad and fearful. But we have faith, family and friends. We truly have been blessed to have lived this long together and have cherished our lives. We try to call upon these blessings to banish the doom and gloom. And now I will call upon the wisdom of this poem to lift us up.

Thinking Positive in Louisville

Dear Thinking Positive: I’m sorry your husband is ill. I’m glad that Beryl’s poem touched you, as it seems to have touched many others.