Cousin’s friend wants to join group for ski trip again

Dear Annie: My group of girlfriends is planning our annual ski trip for February. There are six of us that go every year. Last year, my cousin, “Sasha” (who is part of this crew of girlfriends), invited her friend “Rachel.” Rachel just did not mesh with the rest of the group. She barely skied and ended up spraining her wrist when she did, so I’m surprised she wants to come back.

You can probably guess where this is going: Sasha wants to invite Rachel again this year, and the rest of us would rather she not come. How should we handle this?

Bummed Skier

Dear Bummed: Don’t ice Rachel out so quickly. Rather than telling Sasha that Rachel can’t come, ask how Rachel is doing. Express surprise that she wants to join this year, because you weren’t sure she enjoyed the last trip. Start a dialogue rather than issuing a decree. Whatever the case, the bottom line is that your cousin is paying as much for this trip as the rest of you, and if she would like to invite her friend, she can. Try to keep an open mind, and be willing to be surprised. Dear Annie: I am writing in response to “Am I Wrong,” the woman who was upset that she had to share her granddaughter’s wedding day with her ex’s other half. My mother could have written that letter. I wish she had. After my parents divorced, she never let go of the resentment. She turned my childhood into a rage-fueled nightmare with a constant stream of angry rants. After five or six years of spending a few days a month of courtordered visitation with Dad, I finally gave in and cut off contact with him, and 20 years passed before I found the courage to try to reestablish a relationship with Dad. She died 15 years ago, alone, having so thoroughly driven away and alienated her entire family. Look in the mirror, “Am I Wrong,” and ask yourself if the woman you see is who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Hurt Daughter

Dear Hurt Daughter: I commend you for finding the courage to reconnect with your father, but I’m so sorry that you had to grow up in that environment. I’m printing your letter as a testament to just how toxic resentment can be. Thanks for writing.