The Register Citizen (Torrington, CT)
Giving is about more than just making donations
Just before Thanksgiving, Warner Brothers is releasing the movie “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood,” a reallife story of everyone’s favorite “neighbor” Mr. Rogers and journalist Tom Junod. Junod was assigned to cover Mr. Rogers and came to his assignment filled with cynicism and a bit snark. But as Junod wrote his profile, Mr. Rogers taught the jaded reporter about empathy, kindness and decency.
I was interviewed a few years back by WNPR. One of the questions the interviewer asked me was “What is kindness?” My response was that kindness is a naturalborn state. Mr. Rogers believed that, too, which is what made us all love him so much — he believed in our innate kindness and made us believe in it in ourselves, as well.
I believe we are all born with kindness, naturally inclined to care for others. Kindness is exemplified by how giving we are — giving of our time, our treasure, ourselves. We only need to observe the thoughts and actions of our young children to verify these two principles: innate kindness and giving spirit.
We once took a family trip to Boston. After dinner, we were walking down the backside of Faneuil Hall when we came upon a homeless man seated in a doorway. The man was periodically crying out for change and warm coffee. We walked past with the rest of the crowd. Suddenly my 6yearold young son stopped, pulled my husband’s hand, and started to cry. My son asked why we didn’t help this man and give him coffee or money? To the adults walking by on that chilly evening, the homeless man was someone whom we knew would get resources and help elsewhere. It’s what we adults do: we think the problem through. But to my son, this man was alone and helpless and we were a group of adults who were ignoring a person in desperate need, stepping over and walking past his cries for help.
We all have kindness in us but sometimes we can’t find it or don’t realize we have the features that allow us to give freely and joyfully. It’s been covered by years of “life lessons” and intellectual reflections that cause us to move a little further away from the core of our heart, the kindness, that unfettered giving spirit.
But the truth is, in giving we do receive. It is resoundingly true and backed by research. Studies find that giving lowers blood pressure, increases selfesteem, lessens depression, lowers stress, lengthens life and increases happiness.
Also, giving feels good. Scientists have determined that humans secrete “feel good” chemicals in our brains, such as serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin when we give to others — whether it be money, time, advice, physical assistance, material goods. Kindness acted upon through giving in any way gives us a “givers high.”
Kindness exemplified through giving also has viral attributes. When we give, we make others feel better. When others feel better, they tend to give, as well. Giving creates something better than its parts, creating a cycle of upward giving and outward connectedness.
There’s a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses giving, the more they will give themselves, which leads to upward spirals of kindness and generosity. Giving creates connections, unity, it creates a relationship of care and love, people to people or to groups of people. It creates a social structure that brings us satisfaction and peace. It creates a new paradigm for society.
When WNPR had finished their interview, they asked me what I wanted my kids to know about kindness and giving. I said I want them to know that of all the things they could accomplish and work to achieve, I would be most proud of their giving heart. I think Mr. Rogers said it best: “There are three keys to success: the first is to be kind, the second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind.”