Divorced reader is free from expectations of family

Dear Annie: I used to love the holidays, but now I am dreading them. I have recently been divorced. My very large family is divided from politics. Because of that, my daughter has been excommunicated from the entire family. My daughter is grown and married but does not speak to me, even though I have been a loving, nurturing and caring mother. I just want to crawl into a hole and cover up. I need hope.

Sad

Dear Sad: The holiday season can bring to a boil any frustrations that have been simmering throughout the year. However, you don’t have to get burned. First, accept that the next month or so will be difficult. Don’t hope for family members to miraculously change their ways. Brace for the sting of not speaking with your daughter. Know that there will be some blue days. Managing expectations can go a long way in making tough times more manageable.

Second, consider making this a season for experimentation. Take a trip somewhere new, if that appeals to you. Or if you normally travel a lot during the holidays, treat yourself to a “staycation.” Make up new traditions; whether or not they end up sticking is beside the point. The idea is to unburden yourself from what this time of year “should” be so that you can get the most out of whatever it is.

Dear Annie: Toany woman who is in love with a married man, I want to share some very important advice: Don’t go there. It only ends up with loneliness and heartbreak. He may promise to leave his marriage, but he won’t. Friends will tell you that at the time, but you won’t heed their advice. When you raise your friends’ concerns with your lover, he will explain that your friends are jealous. He’s very clever at playing with your emotions. Remember: If he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you. And he did!

Older and Wiser

Dear Older: A resounding yes to this. May someone reading this heed your advice and avoid the same pitfalls.