Is that bad moon rising, or falling?

Here is how I see Tuesday’s election: There’s battle lines being drawn. Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong. Young people speaking their minds. And getting so much resistance from behind.

That about sums it up. Unfortunately, those are lyrics from a 1966 song by Buffalo Springfield, and my editor John Breunig has a puritanical streak about plagiarism.

So let me start over on a note of honesty and humility. Nobody knows what is going to happen on Tuesday. Nobody knows how many people are going to vote or when the votes will be counted.

What I will do now is run two scenarios for you, in order of what I consider to be their probability.

Scenario 1. With President Donald Trump faceplanting at the top of the ticket and a huge uptick in Democratic registrations, we get a Blue Wave in Connecticut.

In this scenario, the Republican Party, already reeling from setbacks in 2018, loses half of the 14 state Senate seats it now holds. Marty Looney, the Democratic Senate leader, winds up with a caucus of 29, which means the Republican caucus has exactly enough Disney dwarf names to go around. Fights break out over who has to be Dopey.

Something similar happens in the House, although I am always slightly more reluctant to see House races in terms of waves because they are often deeply idiosyncratic and less affected by the outside world.

For example, there is a race in northwestern Connecticut in which one candidate has had to live down his recent pardon for youthful criminal offenses that led to his (hitherto undisclosed) imprisonment and the other candidate is dealing with recent and hard-to-evaluate charges that he might have sexually abused his former stepson, who is being represented by attorney Alex Taubes who is (odd coincidence) running as a petitioning candidate against Looney. My suggestion is that both candidates’ names be redacted on the ballot and that people in Winsted, Goshen, Colebrook, and parts of Torrington be encouraged to write in the name of their favorite farm animal.

The point is, this is not a race that will be influenced by national political trends. This is a race that will be influenced by close reading of the Bible and by moral lessons imparted on reality television.

But it is possible that the Democrats, who hold a 91-60 edge, will pick up even more seats. This is not always a good thing. Having 100 people in your caucus is, for putative new Speaker Matt Ritter, like being a dog with 18 puppies and only 12 nipples. Somebody is always unhappy.

Anyway, if the Democrats win so overwhelmingly, Republican chairman J.R. Romano, instead of being allowed to enter a peaceful retirement, will be brought to the Norwalk aquarium and eaten by seals.

Scenario 2. Police, angry over the accountability bill passed in special session, have been campaigning against Democrats in Connecticut this year. Also, there is a Blue Moon which is also a Hunter’s moon on Halloween. Also gamma rays. Also, self-cloning mutant crayfish take over Belgian cemetery. (This was an actual headline this week in the always-reliable New York Post.) Anyway, due to various factors impervious to logical analysis, Trump turns out to be less of a problem. There are not very many Connecticut Republicans (480,000 vs. 850,000 Democrats), but they are very obedient about turning out on Election Day. Also, Romano sent an email to all party members asking (somewhat ominously) for an Election Day “Army for Trump.” This would consist of people who would, in the nicest and gentlest possible way, ask if you are by any chance a socialist flag-burning Antifa Chinese Communist rioter who is attempting to vote twice against Trump. Why are you doing this? He was endorsed by Jack Nicklaus! Shepard Smith’s show is dead in the water! MAGA! ACB! BOZO!

If these tactics are successful, it is possible that Republicans will actually gain some seats. In 2018, for example, they lost a Senate and a House seat in Greenwich, where Democrats are not even allowed to eat at lunch counters. They could get those back.

Maybe the people in Watertown will decide it’s fun to have a QAnon senator! Maybe the people in Bristol will decide a state rep who leaves profane, threatening notes on people’s cars is kind of kicky and cool!

Maybe the Republicans will finally pick off Cathy Osten who holds a Senate seat that represents 10 towns, which the state cops in that area make you name as part of their field sobriety test. (Note to self: Franklin and Lisbon. Easy to forget.)

And then, as freakish balls of lightning roll down the streets of Hamden, Margaret Streicker, a humble real estate tycoon, worth $154 million or more, who has poured large sums of money into her own campaign, will defeat purple-haired Democratic fashion icon Rosa DeLauro, who probably should have been clearer about her desire to replace the Wooster Square Columbus statue with a monument to Vic Damone.

A Belted Galloway cow wins in both Colebrook and Goshen. J.R. Romano marries her on the set of “The Bachelorette.”

What is happening? I hear hurricanes a-blowing. I know the end is coming soon. I fear rivers overflowing. I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

Wait. John Breunig has informed me that I am now plagiarizing a Creedence Clearwater Revival song from 1969 and that I have used up all my allotted exclamation points for 2020.

I knew there was a bad moon on the rise.

Donna Grethen