Women who serve are not victims

I once spoke as the only female veteran on a panel to help lawyers better serve the veteran community. The first question: “Did you experience sexism?” My answer was simple. “Isolated incidents. But there are sexist businessmen, doctors, even lawyers. It didn’t define my experience.” It does, however, define many civilian misperceptions of veterans.

Well-meaning advocacy groups have done much to shine spotlights on military discrimination and sexual abuse. Such an exclusive focus, however, while helping women in undeniable need of support, feeds pervasive and damaging stereotypes. Just as our brothers in arms all must suffer PTSD, servicewomen are too often painted as passive victims of oppressive male institutions. Both these stereotypes must end.

Throughout history, women have served with honor, courage and commitment. We are 10 percent of veterans. Veterans themselves are less than 7 percent of American adults. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers share far more amongst ourselves than those who try to honor, but will never truly understand our service.

To be sure, integration takes time. America must do better, and any societal failure will also exist in the military. But to what extent? Public perception suggests servicewomen are hounded by constant shadows of misogyny. This myopic perception that women are victims first, warriors second is an insult that robs us of our agency in choosing service, denigrating institutions we served with pride. We are 18 percent of officers, directly reflective of our overall representation at 16 percent. The number of female admirals and generals has doubled since 2000 and continues to grow. Compare this to the legal field where women make up 45 percent of associates, but only 19 percent of equity partners.

Turning from discrimination to the perceived epidemic of sexual assault, again anti-military stereotypes fail. The national nonprofit RAINN reports that 23 percent of 18- to 24-year-old college women experience sexual assault. Compare this to 6.2 percent of military women age 17 to 24. Among female college victims, only 20 percent report their abuse, compared to the military’s 43 percent including assaults prior to service, and assaults involving civilian assailants, which combined represent over 46 percent of reports.

As to the common claim that the military sweeps abuse under the rug, again, data dispels the trope. According to RAINN, 5.7 percent of civilian complaints end in arrest, 1.1 percent are prosecuted and only 0.7 percent result in conviction. Comparatively, in cases involving military criminal jurisdiction, 49 percent of complaints ranging from rape to unwanted touching are referred to court-martial and 7 percent end in a federal criminal conviction. Another 29 percent are addressed administratively, frequently removing the offender from service, and stripping their veteran’s benefits. Still others see some other manner of disciplinary action. Military women are twice as comfortable reporting abuse, 13 times more likely to see their case prosecuted, and 10 times more likely to see their case end in conviction. We can do better, but to say we do nothing is a far too pervasive lie borne of stereotype and anti-military bias.

None of this is meant to ignore the professional challenges women face in any male-dominated field. Nor is it meant to diminish the suffering of the many survivors of sexual abuse. One assault is one too many, and there are indisputably cases where the military failed. This is, however, a request that well-meaning efforts to help servicewomen respect our individual experiences and not define us in damaging anti-military tropes. Servicewomen excel with the support of both our sisters and our brothers in arms, yet too often, even by the well-meaning, our accomplishments are an afterthought. They fuel civilian bugles of righteous indignation, but only in the context that we are noble, worthy victims deserving of an offered hand, sympathy, or worse, pity. Please stop.

Stop reducing all discussions of women in the military to PowerPoint lectures dedicated to educating the public on our victimhood. Stop disparaging that which we served with honor. Stop disenfranchising us by allowing stereotypes and tropes to overshadow our experiences in service to our country. We are not victims. We are soldiers, sailors and Marines. Do not reduce us to a cause.

Last week this country marked Veterans Day, and if you truly want to thank a woman for her service, push beyond the misperceptions, the stereotypes and the generalizations. Don’t assume to know her story or her sentiments. Don’t give the reflexive “Thank you for your service” that so often rings hollow. Ask her about her service. Why she served, where she went, what she did. One common thread shared by brothers and sisters alike is our inability to ignore an opportunity to tell a good sea story.