Pandemic raises concerns over healthy teen relationships

Throughout the pandemic we have heard a great deal about spikes in domestic violence as victims have been isolated at home with abusive partners.

Most of these conversations have been centered around adult victims, but teen dating abuse has been, and continues to be, a pervasive and dangerous problem. In Connecticut, 26 percent of students surveyed, reported that someone they were dating or going out with, purposely tried to control them or emotionally hurt them. (Connecticut Department of Health, Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 2019).

Emotional abuse is reported by 76 percent of all teens who report teen dating violence. Abuse is not only physical or verbal, it can also be digital — using technology or social media to intimidate, harass, bully, stalk, or threaten a partner, ultimately to exert power and control over a victim. One study found that more than one quarter (28.1 percent) of teens who had been in a romantic relationship at some point in the previous year said they had been the victim of at least one form of digital dating abuse. With in-person communication being limited because of social distancing, teens are using technology even more to communicate in their relationships. This puts teens at an increased risk for digital abuse in dating relationships whether that comes in the form of teens being put down or insulted by a partner in a phone call, text, or on a social networking site or coerced into sexting. Being cut off from friends and teachers because of social distancing from the pandemic, has left teen victims further isolated from support systems, a tactic abusers often use to maintain power and control.

One of the dangers of digital abuse is that it can be going on right under the roof of loving and concerned parents who may not have the information they need to address this issue. In a national on-line survey of parents with children 11-18 years old, nearly half, 45 percent, had not discussed dating violence with their children in the past year. Reasons parents did not discuss dating violence with their children included, “they thought their children were too young to talk about it, they would not know what to say, and their children would learn about it through experience.” Sadly, a failure to address this problem can have devastating and lasting effects on teens including alcoholism, eating disorders, promiscuity, thoughts of suicide and violent behavior.

When we think of teen dating abuse, it is often assumed that females are more susceptible to physical violence and emotional abuse, however in digital abuse, male teens were significantly more likely to have experienced digital abuse than females (32 percent versus 23 percent).

Where I STAND It is up to each of to us as citizens, parents, and friends to educate ourselves to recognize the signs of teen dating abuse and know how to intervene to help a young person in crisis.

Eighty-one percent of the students who had been the target of digital dating abuse had also been the target of traditional dating abuse (i.e., they were: pushed, grabbed or shoved; hit or threatened to be hit; called names or criticized, or prevented from doing something they wanted to do). And perhaps the most concerning of all these statistics is that, “only 9 percent seek help, and rarely from parents or teachers.” (The Urban Institute)

February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. Despite all these daunting statistics, parents are still well positioned to make a difference in their children’s lives. Resources like those offered at the Domestic Violence Crisis Center offer parents the tools they need to begin these important conversations with their teens and learn to recognize the red flag signs of relationship abuse. Free and confidential counseling is also available at DVCC for teens who are victims of dating abuse or witness domestic violence in their homes.

Healthy relationship skills are learned, they are not innate. Education and counseling are vital tools to help break generational cycles of domestic violence. According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control, “Violence in an adolescent relationship sets the stage for problems in future relationships, including intimate partner violence and sexual violence perpetration and/or victimization throughout life. For example, youth who are victims of dating violence in high school are at higher risk for victimization during college.”

To solve a problem as far reaching and destructive as intimate partner violence, a communitywide effort is needed. It is up to each of to us as citizens, parents, and friends to educate ourselves to recognize the signs of teen dating abuse and know how to intervene to help a young person in crisis. If we work together, we can help teens pave the way to a future free from intimate partner violence.

Adam.