Tips for having ‘the talk’ with aging loved ones
America’s favorite holiday is just around the corner. Soon the airports, train stations and roadways will be clogged with people of all ages making their way “home” to parents, grandparents and special loved ones. Thanksgiving! A day when our attention turns to giving thanks for the abundance in our lives and gathering around a table, from the formally set one in the dining room to the rickety card table in the family room, for a feast of family favorites — turkey, stuffing, cranberries and apple pie. How special the Thanksgiving dinner table is. It’s where many family stories are retold, memories shared, laughter heard and current events debated.
While the traditional turkey dinner is the focal point of Thanksgiving, football is a close second in many households. Cheers or howls alternate as rivaling teams entertain for hours. Come evening, finding a comfortable chair and a soft pillow for a quick nap seems like the perfect way to conclude this festive occasion.
Yet for many out-oftown family members, a visit home for Thanksgiving may not be as pleasant and heartwarming as it once was because a new reality may be apparent. For the first time, it may noticeable that a loved one is experiencing decline, perhaps even on many levels. Relatives may notice failing memory, loss of hearing or weight, an untidy house that had always been pristine, piles of unopened mail and an overgrown yard. All are telltale signs of a problem. Being confronted with this revelation can be devastating and overwhelming for relatives who are unprepared for this change.
In an attempt to better understand the situation, checking the pantry and refrigerator for spoiled food, going through the checkbook to determine bill paying regularity,and reviewing the medications prescribed and taken will provide additional clues if a potentially harmful situation is surfacing.
As hard as it may be, it may be time to have “the talk” with the loved one in observed decline. This conversation should be initiated in a kind, patient, compassionate and nonthreatening way so the loved one doesn’t feel accused or blamed. Based on the outcome of these conversations, which may need to play out over several days or weeks, an action plan may be required to ensure the safety and well-being of the loved one. Consulting with a social worker, geriatric care manager or physician will provide professional insight, guidance and support that is needed as new waters are navigated.
It might be beneficial to become acquainted with home health care agencies that offer non-medical care to older individuals, contractors who can improve the current living environment so an individual can gracefully “age in place” and local retirement communities that offer a variety of care levels. It would also be prudent to determine if the loved one’s legal affairs are in order. Have a last will and testament, power of attorney and medical directive been prepared for the loved one? Along the same line, becoming familiar with the financial affairs and investment portfolio will be necessary should additional care be required. Financial advisers and investment bankers can also provide guidance.
Processing, understanding and coping with the physical, cognitive or emotional decline of a loved one can be challenging for families. Thankfully there are abundant professional resources available to assist individuals requiring more care and those caring for them. Marlene Stocks is the owner of Senior Transition Services, a senior move management company based in Huntingdon Valley. As a certified senior move manager, Stocks and her team provide their clients and families “peace of mind” by managing every detail of the client’s move, as well as their content removal needs. Senior Transition Services has proudly served 800 families in the fivecounty area and South Jersey since 2008. SeniorTransition-Services.com; 215-947-5490.
This conversation should be initiated in a kind, patient, compassionate and nonthreatening way so the loved one doesn’t feel accused or blamed.