Advice from ‘the Happy One’

My friend Elayne, who I’ll call “the Happy One,” has a great idea for a New Year’s resolution. Giving her that name is essentially following the resolution on day one, making it less likely it’ll crumble like leftover holiday cookies, especially the ones with no sprinkles.

The idea is this: Instead of waiting until our loved ones, even our liked ones, are gone, and I mean gone in the most final way, why not give them small tributes today, tomorrow, day-by-day. Why not tell them what true gifts they bring you — not wine totes or Star Wars ice pop makers (so cool!) — but gifts they bring you emotionally and spiritually.

Gifts that never go out of style.

Even if these people are not the Dalai Lama or the, a-hem, president of the United States.

Certainly, this isn’t a new idea. Treasuring our friends and family, and telling them why, is the stuff of many a milestone occasion. The question is, why wait for a milestone?

Let’s face it. Too often we lose people we love and admire, as I recently did with my lifelong friend Ellen. Oh how much she would have adored the gracious words from those who stood to pay witness to her life!

Did she hear that cascade of appreciation when she was alive? I doubt it, but even if she did, she didn’t hear it enough. Who does? I bet not you, not me, and not even, in his mind, the president.

No, it’s not easy to write a tribute. And harder still to read it, people hating public speaking the way they do. But it doesn’t have to be the constitution, though maybe we could use it this year.

It doesn’t even need to be written. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, or even a little deal. You don’t need to collect your nibbles of gratitude in a package with a red bow. You can deliver your tribute a tiny tidbit at a time, which could maybe help your recipient live longer, knowing there are so many reasons to stick around.

Based on that consequence, you can decide who to gift, and exactly how much.

But don’t fret. The tribute can simply be a small missive from the heart, a dash of sincerity here, there and anywhere. Not “Thank you for your help,” or “I really appreciate your support,” but something a bit more muscular. Maybe “You’re such a great listener,” or “You’re so inspiring” or “If I’d known you’d be in my life forever, I would have treated you better.”

Just open your heart and let the words flow. Or at least sputter.

Why is this so hard? Why, when it feels so good to hear, and ultimately feels so good to deliver? How often have we said, after someone dies, I wish I would have told them ... ?

My Dad, from a different generation, was the kind of guy who thought compliments made people lazy. “It’ll give you a fat head,” he’d say. He was from the old school, wherever in the world that school is. Please don’t enroll. But I bet he would have said some pretty nice things about me if I would have headed out the final door first.

The Happy One could have softened him up. I call her that because she’s among that rare breed that looks for happy and creates happy, for no particular reason. She’s kind of the tribute idea rolled up into

a person. She gives happy to herself and others a tiny tidbit at a time.

If we joined her, maybe we’d help the people in our lives feel a bit better about themselves this new year, maybe hop on the happy bandwagon. Maybe we’d even make some Americans feel (a little) great again.