Reflections on one year of grandmothering
Advice from the trenches
My granddaughter turns one in April. This feels like a pretty shocking statement, since I’m fairly convinced that it wasn’t a whole 12 months ago that I held her for the first time. It’s been a while since I’ve had a baby in my life, so I am forever amazed at the amount of change that happens over the course of the first year. My granddaughter has transformed from infant to almost toddler, growing from a mere seven pounds at birth to a chubby, cheery 20 pounds today.
In the time it’s taken me to consider cleaning the top shelf of my closet, forget, commit myself to it again, give up midway and finally, put it off until another day, she has learned to walk, mimic words, wave, and push a button on a toy cellphone to play her favorite song.
But enough about her achievements. After all, she’s not the only person who has grown and changed over the past year. What about me? A mere 365 days ago I was a non-grandmother, going about my life without fretting over such things as which cute Easter outfit to buy and whether or not I should show pictures of my grandchild to strangers.
Today I stand before you a changed woman, with a full year of experience under my granny belt. And, in true grandmotherly fashion, I have some advice to give. Here are a few things I’ve learned in my first year of grandmotherhood.
1. You can never see enough of your grandchild. This is a hard core truth, an irrefutable fact for anyone who doesn’t actually reside with their grandchildren. I try to see my granddaughter once a week. That sounds fairly frequent, right? Not so. If she learns something new one day after I visit I have to wait six days to witness it. This has been a cause of some undue grandmotherly woe in the otherwise happy kingdom of grandparenting.
2. Grandchildren grow way too quickly. As mothers we complained about our kids growing up too fast. When you are a grandmother, just double that sentiment. Or even triple it. That first year really does feel like it went by in a flash. Possibly because I wasn’t living with my granddaughter and never spent a single protracted night awake
with her, which makes time move so much more slowly.
3. Being a grandmother is terrific; being called a grandmother takes some getting used to. I mean, it just sounds like you’re an old person, right?
4. Dispense advice with caution. Sure, I’m offering up some tips here without being asked. That’s fine for a column. Not necessarily a good practice when speaking to your adult children about their childrearing decisions. When it comes to raising babies, people in general are rather judgey. Everyone has an opinion, commonly focusing on the quantities of things: not enough food, sleep, clothes, toys, attention, etc. versus too much of all those things. As an experienced grandmother I’ve found it’s best not to voice those opinions so much.
5. Grandbabies are fun. Everyone knows babies are a lot of work. For the parents. Grandparents get a free pass from most of the hard stuff — doctor visits, clingy spells, crying jags, sleepless nights. Our job is to entertain, admire and enjoy. That’s a good gig. But it’s also a responsibility. We are tasked with providing an element of fun in a child’s life. We need to take that seriously.
6. Go ahead, show pictures of your grandchildren to strangers. After all, they are probably going to show you theirs.
Clearly I’ve learned a great deal in my first year of grandparenting. I can’t wait to see what the second year brings. She’ll say her first word and learn so many new things. And maybe I’ll even get around to cleaning that shelf in my closet.