Transforming for the better requires some discomfort
Don’t you hate the way summer clothes stick to you in the heat and humidity? I do. That uncomfortable feeling of wearing your own garments and, yet, feeling as if nothing is really right… it plagues most of us at one time or another in this northeastern climate.
I’ve been thinking that this uncomfortable, sticky feeling is similar to the discomfort we experience when, not just our clothes don’t seem to fit right, but neither does our way of thinking. And changing those, letting go of those, is much more difficult than changing outfits.
It seems as if early spiritual thoughts are usually either/or beliefs; those are usually the initial learnings that help children to distinguish between right and wrong. But when those initial learnings do not give way to non-dualistic approaches to life’s situations, when we become unable to see both sides of the story or an expanded view of the world and its traditions, we become stuck. And it follows that as we become stuck, so does the world, and, at times in very uncomfortable, sticky situations.
As we mature, most of us discover ourselves in very intimate struggles between reality and rules that have been in place, for better or worse, over time. For many of us, those rules can become very conveniently self-serving; but in those struggles, we have the chance to leave the selfishness behind. We have the chance to rebuild rather than to see the world as falling apart. And those times are almost always sticky and uncomfortable.
Without growth, we cling to our histories in spite of new information, developments, perspectives and visions. We lose the present because of only seeing the past in an either/or way. And, we begin to live in fear of what might be lost rather than in faith of what might be found.
Fear is not the manifestation of faith. Fear is not holiness personified. Fear keeps us bound to the status quo, to those things we are afraid to lose; fear takes away the need to think and exercise free-will; it keeps moments of great revelation hidden.
The great Spiritual Leaders of the world’s traditions always upset the status quo, always opened up new vistas and always showed people how to let go of those beliefs that did not serve well. From Jesus to The Buddha, from Moses to Mohammed, they all embraced the marginalized as they brought forth a new way of being in the world. They all looked at faith with new eyes, respective of the past but not stuck in it. And they all had moments of great and painful discomfort in very sticky situations.
These leaders showed us that the process of failure presents us with an uncomfortable paradox: we must fail and fall into “sin” order to rise out of it transformed into a better and higher version of ourselves. And failing never feels good. Yet, this is how we are changed, this is how we grow, this is how the Divine works through us — if we can let go of the uncomfortable, sticky clothes that no longer fit. Not easy, indeed, and yet, necessary, as spiritual creatures. No more either/ or; from now on — yes/and.
The Reverend Dr. Deborah Darlington is an Interfaith Minister who supports all people in their spiritual journey and can be reached at GraceMatters@TheSpaceForGrace.com for rites of passage including weddings, memorials, house blessings and more.