How to learn from, not live in, a money mistake

“I feel like such an idiot.” It’s something I’ve said more than once as I crumble in the face of a money mistake.

I recently called myself the iword as I revealed to my husband that I hadn’t checked my cash flow in a few months or contributed to my Roth IRA for 2019, even though he assumed I had.

But calling myself a mean name didn’t fix anything. Facing the problem head-on was far more productive. Here’s how experts recommend recovering from money mistakes without being a jerk to yourself.

Do: Forgive yourself

Whether it’s in relationships, careers, money or whatever, everybody messes up sometimes, says Jill Schlesinger, certified financial planner, author of “The Dumb Things Smart People Do with Their Money” and host of the “Jill on Money” podcast. She recalls early in her career when she tried — unsuccessfully — to time the stock market.

Aim for some perspective. “It’s not like you made a mistake and somebody died,” she says. “You can forgive yourself. It’s really OK.”

That means no name-calling, which is both unfair and unproductive. Calling myself an idiot, for example, is a cop-out. No need to consider what went wrong or how to do better next time — I’m just an idiot!

That kind of language usually “shuts down the process of reflection pretty quickly,” says Ed Coambs, certified financial planner and marriage counselor who specializes in financial therapy.

More on reflection later.

Don’t: Ignore problems

Beating yourself up can make it easy to ignore problems. Who wants to deal with something that makes them feel stupid? But those problems tend to compound, Coambs says. For example, a few missed bill payments can trigger late fees, debt, collections, damaged credit and so on.