An offer of prayer doesn’t sit well

DkAR AMY » My husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.

The first few weeks of his physical therapy are done at our home.

Everything went well and when it was time for her to leave, the therapist asked if my husband wanted to pray with her. She said this was totally up to him.

I was stunned. Is this something new?

I have been seen by a lot of health care professionals and NO ONE has ever asked me to pray with them.

Your thoughts?

— I’ll Pray by Myself

DkAR I’LL PRAY » My research into this has led me to read a number of studies regarding the practice of praying between health care workers and patients. Although most seem to reflect attitudes regarding patients asking health care workers to pray with them, one study reflected a situation similar to your husband’s. Quoting a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray about their health. When they are hospitalized, however, do patients want an offer of prayer from a healthcare provider? This project allowed for the measurement of hospitalized patient’s responses to massage therapists’ offers of a colloquial prayer after a massage.

“After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that elicited quantitative data ... In this sample, 88 percent accepted the offer of prayer, 85 percent found it helpful, and 51 percent wanted prayer daily. Patients may welcome prayer, as long as the clinician shows ‘genuine kindness and respect.”’

Even though it might be unusual, I don’t think it is necessarily unethical for a health-care provider to offer to pray with a patient, even in the patient’s own home. Doing so might help to build a connection between the therapist and patient. Prayer might help to relax the patient and “center” his intentions toward his own health and recovery.

The offer might also feel like coercion.

How did your husband feel about this practice? He should prepare himself to respond before his next appointment.

A reminder that this is his treatment, and HE gets to decide how to handle it, regardless of how you feel about it.

DkAR AMY » “Curmudgeon in California” wrote in describing a Zoom-based baby shower including more than 100 people!

For me, the thing that made in-person showers tolerable was the food, treats, drinks and goofing around with people at your table.

Without that, it is just something to get through.

No one should be hosting a virtual event with more than 30 people. It’s obnoxious and impersonal. Break it up into smaller events!

— Zoomed-Out

DkAR ZOOMkD-OUT » I continue to be stunned by the sheer number of people some people know!

Yes, smaller events are much better, whether virtual or actual.