Spouse doesn’t want to whine about wine

ikAR AMY >> I am married to a wonderful, kind, and generous man.

We have a very good marriage. We’ve never had a real argument or nagged each other about anything.

I am worried about his weight, however.

He had lost a lot of weight, but now he’s regaining it.

This is because he has a glass of wine just before bed.

I don’t mind his daily glass of wine, but I wish he’d have it at dinnertime so that his body has time to process it.

I know he enjoys his bedtime snack, so I’m loath to bring it up.

How do I gently and kindly ask him to forego it at bedtime without sounding like a nag?

— Worried ikAR WORRIki >> If your husband’s nightly glass of wine makes him surly or uncommunicative, or interferes with his sleep, your shared intimacy or sex life, then you get to bring it up.

In short, if his nightwine affects YOU, then you should initiate a conversation about it.

If his glass of wine at bedtime doesn’t directly affect you (and it doesn’t seem to), then you should keep your thoughts to yourself.

In my opinion, your basic assumption is offkilter. More likely, his weight gain is the result of a dozen little and large choices he makes throughout the day, not the timing of his nightly drink.

Furthermore, if he has struggled with his weight and has managed to successfully reduce, then he knows the basic rules of weightloss.

If you want to continue to support his weight loss, you should ask him, “What’s the best way I can support you as you work toward your goals?”

I hope he answers, “Just continue loving me, just as I am.”

I’ll offer an (unsolicited) opinion on how to have a happy marriage: Learn to fight. Learn to forgive. And try mightily to love one another through thick and thicker.

ikAR AMY >> “Desperate Daughter” was upset about her father’s habit of sending unwanted political emails, especially after he’d been drinking. Instead of deleting those emails or having them go to her spam folder, how about her collecting them and having a heart to heart about him getting some help? ikAR AMY >> As I said in my answer, the problem wasn’t really about her father’s politics, but his drinking. I agree that confronting him might inspire change.