Husband snoops on wife’s private writing
DEAR AMY >> I'm asking you to weigh in.
My husband thinks that it's fair game to read my computer or phone screen over my shoulder, even when I'm clearly writing or viewing something private.
I've asked him many times over the years not to do this, but he refuses to stop reading my screens. He definitely doesn't like it when I do it to him.
He is saying it's OK because my activity is essentially out in the open.
Is it rude to read someone's screens over their shoulder? Should I leave the room if I want privacy on my own devices?
— Invaded
DEAR INVADED >> Overall, I think it's rude to continue to do something — almost anything — your spouse has asked you repeatedly not to do, especially if this behavior is not a two-way street.
Your husband may be aggressively trying to send you a message that he doesn't want you to use screens when you are around him.
If you take a close and objective look at your own screen usage and see that there is a genuine imbalance in the amount of time you and he spend on your screens, then this gives you an opportunity to perhaps change your own behavior to demonstrate that you have received his rudely delivered message.
Otherwise, yes — whenever he does this, you should take your work into another room.
I have seen so-called privacy filters for laptops, although I've never tried one (no one in my household has much interest in what I'm up to). These screens allegedly completely block a screen from view unless the user is directly in front of the screen. This would also be very useful when working in a coffee shop or on public transportation — or in your kitchen.
DEAR AMY >> I appreciate the question in your column from “Concerned Sister” about discussing end of life wishes with loved ones.
I am a doctor in the DC area.
Two resources that might be helpful are “Five Wishes”, a guided booklet that helps people talk about what they want at the end of their life. This is available in English and Spanish and can be obtained for free from most primary care doctors' offices.
The second is The Conversation Project. Available at https://theconversationproject.org, it has many helpful tips and can help direct the discussion and try to overcome what is usually a fear of death.
DEAR LAURA >> Thank you. The Conversation Project was founded by journalist Ellen Goodman, after her own mother's death. It serves as an excellent guide to having these tough conversations. Thank you for the recommendations.