Mending fences, building a wall

DEAR ABBY » My stepdaughter, “Crystal,” has a toxic relationship with her mother. Both have battled alcoholism. The mother did some extreme damage that has ended the possibility of Crystal regaining custody of her 6-year-old son. My husband and I hired a lawyer to help her fight for her rights, and we have brought her to our home twice.

Fast-forward: Crystal is trying to mend her relationship with her mother, and now we have become second fiddle. What used to be a daily phone conversation happens now only when I call. When we try to visit them, they make excuses, and they have visited us only twice in the last six months.

We are swallowing our pride so we can see our 6-month-old granddaughter, but our feelings are so hurt. Do we talk to her or just feel crushed?

— Wounded in

Michigan

DEAR WOUNDED » Your troubled stepdaughter is trying to mend fences with her mother. Try not to take personally that she has tunnel vision right now. I do not think you should address this with her at this time. Let more time elapse, and if her distancing continues, talk to her about it then.

DEAR ABBY » My husband and I live in southern Florida. My problem is our children, grandchildren and their spouses. When they come to visit, they only eat certain foods and need “healthy this” and “healthy that.” I feel like we’re being used as a hotel and restaurant. I want to see them, but it is becoming exhausting. What should I do?

— Rolling Back the

Welcome Mat

DEAR ROLLING » Roll back that welcome mat. Talk to your children, grandchildren and their spouses. Tell them that if they have special dietary requirements, they should buy their own foods, and you will make room in the refrigerator to accommodate them.

DEAR ABBY » I am a 91-year-old, 4-foot-8 woman who still drives and goes alone to shop and conduct business. My problem is I am frequently approached by strangers who want to “help” me. This frightens me because I cannot defend myself. While someone holding a door open for me is appreciated, I have no way to identify a purse snatcher who may intend to knock me down. How can I communicate that I’m capable of caring for myself without offending the person? — Great-grandmother in

the Midwest

DEAR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER » Look the person in the eye and say firmly, “I know you mean well and thank you, but NO THANK YOU. I prefer to do this myself.”