Boyfriend’s aggression takes over

I have been in a relationship for more than a year. We met at the gym. We have similar interests and are both normally caring and loving to each other. We also have similar senses of humor.

We moved in together too quickly, after only six months. Our attempt at blending our kids and families has hit a lot of hard bumps. He is a very assertive and aggressive parent, while I’m the opposite. He has helped me with pointers and advice on taming my two boys’ “attitudes,” and both have changed the attitudes they had before and are doing good.

The problem is, my boyfriend has become controlling to the point that when anyone seems a little disrespectful or doesn’t do what they were supposed to or told to do, he gets in the middle of it. When we have an argument, if we disagree on something, he curses at me or calls me names.

He always apologizes afterward, but then he does it again. This may seem obvious, but is this as clear as I’m thinking that we should break up?

— Somewhat

Hopeless

DEAR SOMEWHAT

HOPELESS >> Because your “gentleman” (I use the term advisedly) friend becomes verbally abusive when you have a disagreement, recognize that he continues to do it because it works for him. The example his behavior has set for your boys is atrocious.

Offer him the option of couples counseling. If he refuses, for your kids’ sakes if not for your own, move out and move on.

DEAR ABBY >> My brother, who is 48, has mental issues. Although he is antisocial, he isn’t dangerous to anyone. He has low self-esteem and takes things literally.

My parents have always been emotionally detached, but my brother has always craved Dad’s acceptance. Because he felt that

Dad favored me, he pushes me away and isolates himself. I have tried to stay in contact, and if I see him at the store, I speak to him, but he is so full of anger. Should I keep trying even though it’s painful? If he were to pass, I would feel guilty for not trying harder. — Facing Obstacles in

Pennsylvania

DEAR FACING OBSTACLES >> You are a good sister. But for your brother’s sake as well as your own, it may be time to distance yourself emotionally from his mental problems. Contact your brother every six or eight weeks or so to check in. If you encounter him in a store, be polite. If he’s angry or belligerent, back off, continue your shopping or leave. Your brother is unwell. YOU CAN’T FIX WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM. Follow your conscience, which is more than your parents have been doing — and forgive yourself for not being able to do more.