Text reactions useful when you can’t find the right words

DEAR MISS MANNERS >>

I have a close friend who loves to dress up in crazy outfits.

They are almost costumelike: very garish and tacky

(to me, anyway), with sequins, feathers, fringe, loud colors, etc.

To be clear, I applaud her desire to march to the beat of her own drum. I think she should dress however she wants to, as it’s really none of my business.

My issue is that I struggle with how to respond when she texts me photos of her wacky outfits. It seems rude to not respond at all, or to give a tepid “That’s quite a look!” I feel she is constantly seeking my approval of her outfits, and I just can’t bring myself to lie and say she looks great when I think she looks a bit unhinged.

Do I just be a good friend and lie, saying I think she looks great? I hate lying, but I love my friend. Or do I continue to dig for something truthful and non-negative to say, like, “Wow, those sure are bright colors”?

It is rare that Miss Manners will invoke an electronic solution for a human

GENTLE READER >>

problem. But in this case, she finds the “reaction” feature of text messaging a convenient one. It conveys nominal interest without having to commit to a heartfelt opinion.

She therefore suggests using “Like,” “Love” and “Emphasis” liberally, according to your relative enthusiasm for the outfits. But perhaps the question mark, however tempting it may be, should be left out of the rotation.

I stick out in front. When salad dressing drips off my fork, it never reaches the napkin on my lap. It lands on my blouse.

I eat slowly, making an effort to shake excess dressing onto my plate. But my lunch friends are interesting. Inevitably, I forget to be careful.

I am asking Miss Manners for dispensation to fudge a rule of etiquette, and to advise which one. If I’m sitting up straight, may I bend at the hips and lean over my plate? Or may I hold a hand under my fork as it travels from plate to mouth? Or what else could I do? GENTLE READER >> Bending a bit at the hips

DEAR MISS MANNERS >>

sounds acceptable. The hand under the fork, a bit less so. Miss Manners fears that your lunch companions will then be left to wonder what happens to the dressing that is now on your palm instead of your blouse. And they may look for excuses not to shake hands afterward.

DEAR MISS MANNERS >>

Some of my boyfriend’s friends, whom I had never met, saw us together when we were out. Later, when I walked into another establishment ahead of my boyfriend, these friends pulled me aside, said my boyfriend was a loser and asked why I was with him.

It was shocking and left me speechless, but it turns out it was some sort of joke. What do I say if it happens again?

once

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