Teach kids to have a successful, fulfilling life

Everyone remembers reading “The Little Engine That Could,” right? No matter what stood in her way that train moved on and worked hard to accomplish anything. Looking back on such a simple story reminds me of how important it is to encourage our children to keep trying.

Many people fail at something new the first time, but if they don’t give up, amazing things can happen. Dedication and perseverance are valuable traits that seem to be disappearing in our youth today. As parents, you can change that. It is essential to instill the belief that you can accomplish anything when you try. It is important to set realistic goals and have your child strive for those goals.

I have spent many sessions with clients teaching them what I am about to tell you. We are constantly modeling to our children “how” to live. This is the most powerful part of the teaching experience for children. So, while the words and contents of your conversations with your kids are important, the more powerful part of your role as a teacher and guide is through the way that you live. It’s through how you do your life.

Here are three specific ways that you can adjust how you live to ensure that you are doing everything to give your kids the best chance of a successful and fulfilling life.

1. How healthy are your routines?

Most of us are well aware of the things that are healthy vs. unhealthy. We know that smoking can kill us, processed sugars and carbohydrates can reek havoc with blood sugar, and not engaging in some sort of exercise can be detrimental. There is little debate that our involvement in charities betters the community and teaches your kids to be contributors, not takers. We also know that having a consistent routine will increase productivity and gives stability in life.

In situation after situation, how you discipline yourself to maintain healthy patterns is much more important than any words or discussions that you have about those patterns. This is the first area for you to master.

2. How do you talk about your life?

When discussing your day to day activities and the events of your life, what do you tend to focus on? Whatever it is, you’re in the process of teaching your kids.

Do you complain about your co-workers? Do you critique the mailman?

Do you harshly judge other parents? Do you express constant frustration at your politicians? Do you keep noticing what is not working….rather than what is working? All in all, is it a world where your kids are experiencing you as a complainer, focused on negativity or do they experience you as a parent focused on what’s working and going well? This is a critical distinction to make. Instead of focusing on negativity, you could focus on the following:

• What made you laugh?

• What went well today?

• What do you appreciate?

• What did you love about your day?

• Why are you optimistic?

• What are your plans for the future?

• What can you do to make a difference?

This is just the beginning. In your conversations with your kids and adults you are constantly communicating “how” to focus your attention and energy.

3. What behavior do you give your attention to?

What hooks your attention at home? What pulls you in? What do you notice most?

Are you constantly reminding your kids to take care of their clothes? Is it an endless battle to keep them on top of their homework? Are you often pulling them apart and reminding them to stop bickering at each other? Or is most of your energy focused on catching moments of cooperation? Are you vigilant in noticing the kids while they are doing their homework rather than when they’re staring out the window? Do you comment on parts of the room that are neat and orderly, rather than the parts that are not quite there yet?

Ultimately, at the end of the day, what has gotten the bulk of your attention?

In this way, you also teach your kids “how” to live life. You’re teaching them whether to invest their energy in what they value and appreciate or whether to invest their energy in the “problems” that are always present. The magic of this, both at home and in the “real world”, is that where you invest your energy is what you will attract. As a parent, you attract behavior from your child that you focus on most. As an adult, you attract relationships, employment, and activities that resonate on what you focus on most. It’s one of the magic formulas to a happy and successful life. If we focus on what we don’t want or don’t like we just end up with more of what we don’t want. If you can keep these three simple ideas in mind, it will help you to stay focused on how you can live your life and ways to promote a successful, happy and fulfilling life for your children. Best of luck!