Self-driving cars

I drive a 10-year-old car that doesn’t do any of the fancy things that new cars do. It doesn’t have any cameras or sensors telling me when I’m getting too close to something and it certainly doesn’t stop on its own if I’m about to run into somebody. By today’s standards I’m a menace on the road because the car is totally in my control. I have to tell you though, that’s the way I like it.

Being an old curmudgeon I am often resistant to change. I still mail all my bills in an envelope with a stamp in the upper right corner instead of paying everything online. I know this is foolish and unproductive but there’s something about putting the little flag up on my mailbox out at the curb that makes me feel like I’m getting something done. I like that little flag so much in fact that I think when I die I’ll have them put one on my coffin and when they put the flag up that will be the signal to the undertaker that it’s time to take me to the cemetery. Don’t laugh this could be $1 million idea. Maybe I’ll go on Shark Tank and pitch it.

I’ve noticed though that having cars do just about everything for you is not enough as car companies are pushing hard to get selfdriving cars on the road. I have to be honest and tell you it makes me nervous to picture a future where half the cars swerving around me have no one at the wheel. I like the idea that if a ball bounced in the road with a five-year-old child chasing after it that there is a human with eyes and a conscience making the decision of what to do next.

Actor Will Smith once did a movie about robots running the show and it illustrated that in a life-anddeath situation a machine would not act the same as a person. I know it was fiction but I think they got that part right. My point is if a child ran in front of you and you had to make a choice of hitting the kid or swerving into a telephone pole I would hope you’d hit the pole and spare the child. I doubt a machine in that millisecond would make the same choice.

Just recently I saw that billionaire Elon Musk is working very hard to produce self-driving trucks; the kind that will deliver goods from one place to another. While he was being celebrated in various circles for his ingenuity I’m guessing truck drivers who make their living delivering canned goods and produce weren’t applauding.

Someone much smarter than me one said, “Just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should” Come to think of it, it may have been Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park. Anyway, my point is, pushing hard to perfect technology that will put a million drivers out of work lacks appeal; at least to me.

As the cars we drive get more advanced I wonder sometimes what a twenty something would do if you stuck them in a 1970 Mustang. They’d no doubt be looking for the button to push to start the car confused over how to use the key. No power options would mean rolling down the windows by hand, another conundrum for the young ones. See I’m starting to sound like a curmudgeon again aren’t I?

I guess my point is technology is great but sometimes doing things the oldfashioned way can be good too. I’ll give you another example — shining shoes. When I was a kid going to Catholic school you rubbed polish on the shoes and then buffed it off with a cloth or brush. That’s how you shined shoes. These days they sell liquid shine that you rub or squirt on and there’s no polishing required. I’ll admit the shoes look good for an hour or two but the shine doesn’t last as well as the old fashion way. Every time I walk into a nice hotel and see a shoeshine stand where some gentleman gets down on one knee and buffs shoes until they look like mirrors, I can only smile. There’s just something regal about it.

I’ve been told I grew up in the wrong century and I can only say there’s probably some truth to that. We don’t get to pick the time we drop into this world but we can choose how to spend it. For me I’ll stick with a car that requires me to do the driving. At least I’ll know if I bump into something I have nobody to blame but me. Growing up I was worried about the Headless Horseman getting me. These days I lose sleep over the headless car, coming soon to an interstate near you.