Do humans ever change?

How many times have we heard, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” The common wisdom is people do not change, and that a personality is a personality. Most of believe that there is minor change in that core personality over time.

What makes up that particular personality is a pattern of thinking, doing and feeling. Researchers tend to look at five aspects of personality, as these in combination determine much of human behavior. These are:

1. Extraversion vs Introversion

2. Negative Emotionality vs Calm & Emotionally Resilient

3. Open-mindedness vs Closed-mindedness

4. Agreeable/Compassionate vs Augmentative/ Judgmental

5. Conscientiousness/Work Ethic vs Irresponsible/Disorganized

These patterns DO tend to be stable over time, and certainly many people remain basically the same as they were as teenagers. Yet, multiple studies now point to an encouraging and exciting conclusion.

Personalities Change Dramatically Over a Lifetime, and Usually for the Better.

Research now strongly supports the conclusion that people do change, and it is usually for the better. There are always exceptions, of course. But overall, the data is indicating that humans tend to evolve over a lifetime in several positive ways.

Conscientiousness: Between 20 and 30, studies suggest that many of those irresponsible and ‘lazy’ teenagers seem to get their life together. They take on real jobs, start showing up on time and begin to work hard. This continues to evolve through mid-life.

Agreeableness: While this trait seems to remain stable into our 30’s, between 30 and 60 many of us soften, become more compassionate, respectful and trusting of others. We become easier to get along with, sometimes after losing several significant relationships. And then, there is also the role that children start to play in our lives. All this seems to shape us into more gentle humans.

Emotional Resilience: The reactive, emotional personality often grows weary of his or her own reactions, and the data now supports that there is often change. The negativity declines, and there is a growing ‘maturity’ over time, with a more calmness and stability.

Keep in mind: This does not happen in a matter of days or weeks. These changes occur over decades, with or without counseling or intervention. Or course, life is constantly teaching us and these changes likely reflect the deep desire we have for meaningful connections and for harmony rather than disharmony in our lives.

How Can We Accelerate Change?

New research also suggests that we can significantly change our personalities, if we want to. While few people follow through with effective personal goal setting, there are those who do and it does make a difference. When we establish a goal to change, and find tools that help us to change, we humans can transform our lives.

Interestingly, along the way to these changes, we will likely need to change our environment, who we hang out with and how we take care of ourselves. These shifts often upset those around us, as they are attached to the person we were…not the person we are becoming. This is one of the reasons why personal change is difficult.

Meaning Lives Matter as Well

One of the other findings of importance on this topic is about life meaning. The more we have a self-centered life, the more life tends to lack meaning. When we choose to do something meaningful with our lives, regardless of how we define that, two significant things unfold: we become more satisfied and our personalities change…for the better.

Conclusion: We do change, and we change (mostly) for the better. And we can accelerate positive change with effective personal goals, adaptation of the right tools to bring about change and becoming involved in more personally meaningful activities. Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www. Terrific Parenting. com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail.com.