Be a parent, not a wolf
A recent headline in the newspaper nearly caused my eyes to roll out of the back of my head. It exclaimed that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was planning to take two months paternity leave when his second child was born. The gist of the article was how wonderful a father he must be to do this. I rolled my eyes because I thought, “Well sure it’s easy to take eight weeks off from work when you’re worth a few billion dollars.” Then I read on and realized if you work at Facebook you’re allowed 16 weeks off when a baby is born if you wish. It sounds amazing but if we’re being honest with each other do you really know that many men who would take four months off from work and not worry about their job? More on that in a moment.
I did a little research into this whole paternity thing and was stunned to find only around 15 percent of companies offer paid leave for the men when a baby comes home. I guess I just assumed that number would be higher. So for the most part after that very first week where everybody in the family is dropping by the house to help, hold and bring presents to the new baby, after that mom is pretty much on her own. Some of the older folks reading this column right now may be thinking, “Well John that’s the way it always was and we moms did just fine.” True but should the fathers be given paid time off to help and would they even take it if it was offered? My answers to those two questions are “probably” and “I doubt it.”
I think what’s happening now is most guys will take a week’s vacation or sick leave and spend that first seven days helping their spouse. After that they’re straight back to work. Maybe it’s wired into our DNA but you can’t help but worry that if you’re gone too long or show a lack of unflinching commitment to the company someone behind you is going to swoop in and try to take your spot. I was watching an intense movie called “The Grey” with Liam Neeson the other night and it showed how wolves in the wild operate without mercy and how there’s always someone ready to take on the alpha. I wonder sometimes, when it comes to the workplace, how different we are from the wolves.
Getting back to my question: should companies give fathers a week or two of paid time off to help with the new baby? Yes, I think so. Should companies offer dads 16 weeks paid maternity leave like Facebook? That sounds excessive.
The second part of the question: would men take off a month or two if it was offered? I sincerely doubt they would. I think most men would worry how that would make them look to the boss and the company higher-ups and worry it would ultimately hurt their career. Making it even harder is the issue of what your coworkers do in the same situation. Meaning if you took two months off to help with the baby but your coworkers came right back to work when their kids were born would that skew how a company looks at you? If we polled company CEOs they would all say “absolutely not” and I think they’d all be lying.
I’m not a woman obviously but I have to believe women also face these questions when it comes to having a baby and how much time to take off work? Most women I know take 4 to 6 weeks and then they’re right back at it because of economic necessity. I wonder if they don’t also worry, the way men do, about how they would be perceived if they disappeared for three or four months after the baby. Does the next promotion they were in line for suddenly go to someone else and is that remotely fair? I know any good labor attorney will tell you it’s not but good luck proving it.
These are complicated questions and I certainly don’t have all the answers. I do know from my own experience that the world is not fair and people do judge you, sometimes unfairly. There is a push right now in this country to make paid paternity leave more the norm and I’m sure when Mark Zuckerberg very publicly announces his company’s policy and what he’s doing he’s hoping to give that change a helpful nudge. I just go back to those wolves in the movie I saw and wonder how many men will actually leave work for two months even if it was offered? It seems to me there will have to be a major corporate cultural shift first before we see any real change regardless of what the law says or a boss offers. In other words real change will only come when we feel comfortable acting more like loving parents than hungry wolves at work.