Another column on joy?

I keep hearing about the joy of holidays past, in reflection of years gone by. Many do so, while the very moments right in front of them are flying by. It’s certainly a valuable and useful experience, to reflect and enjoy memories of the past. However, it seems that too often these comments reflect a seeking of the joyfulness and happiness of the past. In other words, there is a sense of something missing today as we reflect upon that past or even perhaps a sense of ‘chasing’ after those past feelings.

How do we escape this? And even if you are not chasing those past feelings, how do we move toward more ease and joy in today’s holiday season?

1. Look for language (in your head) that separates you from joy.

Here’s what I mean by this. Most of us, by habit and by social learning, end up using language that dramatically effects our experiences in life. Much of this language can separate us from experiences or actions that we seek. Let’s take a practical example. Perhaps in some form you find yourself saying something like this: “I want to feel more joy and happiness this Christmas.”

At first glance, no real problem. However, if dig in a bit, we see that the word “want” creates an instant and immediate separation between you and the experience you seek. It’s as if there is you, in this moments with the experience of ‘wanting’ and the joy you seek is somewhere out there in the future.

While this may seem like a bit of an absurd linguistic game, I assure you it is not. Just try this on for the next 48 hours, and discover what you experience. Instead of the “I want” statement, make a commitment to repeating this in your mind instead:

“I act in joyful and loving to myself and others.”

Notice that this now both brings us into action, and to do so in loving and joyful ways. The outcome of more joy and happiness is inevitable! The key is the action implied in this simple intention, and that the joy is directed not only to others, but to yourself. Just try this for the next two days, and see what happens.

The only obstacle now to a growing accumulation of joy in your life would be your mind telling you how silly or too simple this is. Ignore that, and just do it.

2. Stop talking about more love, joy and kindness.

Am I being a cynic? No, not at all. Let me explain. This is really part two of the suggested action above. When we find ourselves lamenting the lack of love, gratitude and appreciation, it is usually because we “want” to more of it. You say, of course.

Yet, most of us have fallen into the trap of noticing when we see rudeness, greed and meanness. We talk about the lack of kindness and gratitude. But that’s all we do. We talk about it.

So, this is where I say, “stop it.” Stop talking so much.

And instead, do something about it. Take action, perhaps repeating the statement above in your head, and become Love in your every deed. Bring joy to every moment you can find and infuse every exchange with kindness. It is acting upon the intention and the choice to be joyful, loving and kind.

Don’t wait for that joy and happiness to come to you. The magic is in the action, to give it away and then discover the abundance awaiting you. Everything we seek is here now, and as soon as we stop “seeking” and take action to be that which we seek ... we now live with love and happiness through our actions. It is the actions that matter. The intention sets the course, but it’s the action that clears the path to more joyful experiences.

So please join me this holiday season, and be that which you want more of in the world. Realize that it is only now that matters now, and infuse every moment with a sense of choosing actions based upon what your intentions.

In this way, we are truly doing our best to make a difference for ourselves and others. I sincerely hope you join me, starting right now. Don’t think about it. Let’s do it. Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www. Terrific Parenting. com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail. com.