Summer habits will save your sanity
Many parents feel the kids need a break all summer, after the school year is over. And of course, a bit of a break is essential. Yet, it is an invitation to chaos to abandon routines and healthy habits for the summer. So be wise and start now with a few simple summer habits.
At the core of effective habits is a profoundly simple concept, which I promote during the school year. I refer to this as the “work first, then play” model of living. It allows you to have constant leverage and teaches many of the important lessons of reality.
Then, summer comes. The work first approach often falls apart. There’s lots of camps, play, sports and vacations. You find, as the summer progresses, an increase in arguments over the simplest of daily request. Stress and conflict build, with the absence of daily structure.
And sadly, with this absence of structure, most children decline in their academics. Research suggests a predictable loss in mathematics of about two and half months, and often two months of progress in reading. This unnecessary loss can easily be abolished with a few basic summer commitments contained in the daily habits of summer.
What can you do now to keep the kids on track, so you maintain those good academic habits, and even build responsibility during the summer? Rather than ignore the importance of this, let’s create a healthy-habit plan for the summer. Here’s how:
1. Decide what is “kids work” for the summer.
You will build responsible, healthy habits by design -not by accident. During the school year, healthy habits are reflected in a daily routine that typically includes homework and a chore or two.
In the summer, you can easily nurture academic success with academic activity for 45-60 minutes daily, perhaps as part of “kids work.” This could be reading (most schools have summer reading lists), working a few math sheets, studying a science book, or researching a topic of interest. This will continue their involvement in the learning process and keep their academic skills sharp. This prevents that summer academic loss and puts your children in a position to excel as school begins.
Critical point: Children also benefit from learning to take responsibility as part of the family community. It is a serious mistake to nurture the belief that they can grow-up getting all the “good stuff” and never have to contribute around the house. Change that now. I suggest you consider a few chores as part of the daily “kids work.” This can include room cleaning, doing the dishes, putting away laundry or working in the yard.
Just make sure, as the kids complain about this process, that you ignore all that. Completely, and unapologetically… ignore it all. Remember: We’re not asking for much… perhaps total of 90” to a couple hours out of a full day of fun.
2. Set up the summer “kids work-then play” structure.
Once you have the list of daily ‘work’ you can then inform the kids that they must do their daily work responsibilities before they can play. Write it down and have it on the wall every day so you don’t have to discuss.
And what’s play? Play is everything they want to do: phone time, games, videos, texting, playtime with friends, ballgames, swimming, trips to the park, movies, and so forth. If the kids are at childcare or camp during the day, their work may need to be done when you all get home in the afternoon and could be abbreviated if it’s a full day camp. If you’re at home with your kids or a sitter is with them, they can do their work first thing in the morning (this is the best approach.).
3. Don’t nag; let the consequences teach naturally.
How does this work? It’s simple: Don’t enforce this by trying to control your kids. Don’t keep reminding them or bugging them. Instead, control the goodies they care about (play).
With the “work-then play” structure in place, ignore them if they complain or procrastinate. Remind them (only once), “Work first, and then play.”
If you must lock up every electronic gadget and every toy -- do so. Don’t battle over the control of the goodies. Instead, lock them down if you have a defiant child. If you have send friends home or show up late to the pool or to a sport event -- do so. You’ll only have to do this sort of thing a few times, so don’t worry. The kids will get it. Children don’t learn from nagging, but they learn quickly from the consequences of their choices. Most kids get the message within a week, and the rest of the summer will be a breeze -- even as you are building responsible habits. Have a great summer and trust this simple structure.
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www. TerrificParenting.com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail.com.