PTSD: Veteran’s disease?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Columnist John Ostwald submitted daily columns for the week prior to Veterans Day. The columns covered a variety of armed forces issues. The information in the columns came from interviews with veterans and family members, research and John’s perspective as an educator and veteran.

I was asked to be on a panel at New York Law School a few months ago. The topic was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Whenever I am asked to speak in public, I contact the organizer of the program to try to get very specific details regarding what the audience might want to hear. The contact person said that he would like me to discuss myths about PTSD. There are many so I decided to address one that has been around for many years. PTSD is often called “the veteran’s disease.” It is not “veteran’s disease”; it can be anyone’s disease.

During my presentation I showed some images from the 911, Las Vegas and Parkland Florida tragedies then I mentioned a personal experience.

My symptoms of PTSD started about eighteen months ago. I have been out of the military for over forty years. My unit was Inshore Undersea Warfare Group II based in Little Creek, Virginia. Although I trained extensively during the Vietnam era, I did not serve “in country.” My only time out of the country was spent in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The symptoms came on as a result of witnessing the aftermath of my son’s car accident when he was sixteen years old. His vehicle flipped and he was underwater for about 12 minutes. His heart stopped twice and he remained in a coma for a few days.

I was out of town when I got the call from the local police. After learning that he was unlikely to survive, I called the local undertaker. On the four hour flight home, I wrote his eulogy and planned his funeral service. It was apparent to the other travelers that something was very wrong.

When I arrived at the Intensive Care Unit I saw my son —- a lifeless figure lying in bed with dried blood on various body parts and tubes coming out of his nose, mouth, and chest. An oddly shaped device was sticking out of the top of his head. I was told later that it was used to measure pressure on the brain. I slept in his room for some nights fearing that each one would be our last together.

For a few weeks, his mother Pat and I spent 12- 14 hours a day watching and waiting and crying and worrying on the ICU. Every sound, change in facial expression of the medical staff, and movement caused alarm. One day his fever spiked at 105.4.

During the early part of his rehabilitation, my colleague, Dr. Edward Tick, a national PTSD expert, told me that I was in the acute stage of the disorder.

During this period I had nightmares that most often involved death rituals like funerals. During one vivid dream I was kissing my son’s hand just before the coffin was closed for the last time. I had flashbacks to the early weeks of his time in the Intensive Care Unit. I saw the tubes in his mouth, nose, and under his arms. I saw the dried blood on his head, hands and arms. Most prominent was the look of terror and confusion in his eyes after he woke up from the coma.

I used to think that he and I would be killed in a car crash. I had intermittent suicidal thoughts. On some nights I would jump out of bed because I thought I heard him call to me from his room downstairs. I irrationally thought that I will find him dead in his room when there was no danger of that happening. Once in a while a profoundly powerful feeling of dread and grief swept over me and I got anxious and cried. I often said to myself, “There is something wrong with me.”

Despite these and other symptoms I am doing well. I know how to take care of myself emotionally and the time (30 months) has helped. Jackson is doing very well also as he recovers from a traumatic brain injury.

Traumatic experiences can happen to anyone and they come in a variety of ways. It is obviously important to pursue healing proactively.