Averted from unrequited love

DEAR ANNIE » When I was in my 20s, I thought I was in love with a man who strung me along for his own reasons but obviously didn’t love me. I wasted three years of my life giving him every opportunity I could to love me back. I finally realized intellectually that I needed to break it off, but emotionally, I couldn’t.

I was lucky. I found a book about how to fall out of love with someone. It was based on the psychological principle of aversion therapy. The theory is that your mind has become accustomed to associating the love object with something pleasant that you want and need, such as attention, affection and security, instead of the pain of what you’re really getting, such as rejection, abuse and uncertainty.

The author suggested that whenever I thought about my young man I immediately replace with a mental picture of him doing something disgusting and repulsive.

For me, all I had to do was picture him sitting on the toilet. Someone else might picture their love object being cruel to animals or losing his or her looks. I was “cured” of my addiction to my phony lover in just a few weeks. Surprise! He married someone else not long after that. The best part was, I didn’t care.

Just a suggestion. It worked for me.

— Happy in Houston

DEAR HAPPY IN HOUSTON » That is an interesting type of therapy. If it worked for you, that’s awesome. No sense in staying with someone who does not love you. The sooner you discover that, the sooner you can move on and find someone who does.

DEAR ANNIE » My heart goes out to Mother of an Alcoholic, whose 52-yearold son followed her to Florida. As the mother of a recovering addict, I felt your advice was spot on! I would like to add a few thoughts:

If the son is 52, then Mom is probably in her 70s. She should consider that if she is tempted to enable him, she needs to think long term. Once she is gone, he MUST be able to care for himself, or he won’t be far behind her.

She also needs to be able to care for herself financially and not throw good money after bad. A dear family member of mine went through every resource she had trying to help, only to live her last years broke and sick.

But the MOST important piece of advice for her health, peace and well-being is to find an Al-Anon family support group for herself. She can’t help anyone if she doesn’t take care of herself.

— Prayerful in Birmingham

DEAR PRAYERFUL IN BIRMINGHAM » Your letter is one of hope and faith. AlAnon is a wonderful family support group. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding people there is support out there if you or a loved one is suffering from addiction.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

No sense in staying with someone who does not love you. The sooner you discover that, the sooner you can move on and find someone who does.