Distant husband
DEAR ANNIE » My husband and I have been together almost six years and married for three. He has two kids, a daughter, 15, and a son, 13. I have always had a pretty good relationship with my stepkids. They are the closest to having kids of my own. Anyway, ever since COVID-19 my marriage seems to be going downhill, and I don’t know what to do. He sleeps on the couch now because he says he can’t get a good night’s sleep in our bed anymore. I absolutely hate him sleeping there, but he won’t budge, even though I said I would buy a new mattress. He says they are too expensive and doesn’t see what the problem with sleeping on the couch. His mood has changed. He pushes me away; we hardly ever snuggle; and when he kisses me, it is not the same. He doesn’t tell me he loves me as much as he used to. It almost feels like we are roommates who sleep together occasionally.
Before the virus, my husband and his daughter were having some minor issues with each other, and they weren’t as close. She would hide stuff from him, and he would find out and get really upset with her. She sees a counselor to help her cope with situations in her life. My husband has gone to a session with her, and he told the counselor that he wants to have a good relationship with his daughter again. Since the virus, their relationship has actually gotten much better, and they are closer than ever. I think it is wonderful that they have bonded again, but now he is all about her, and he pushes me away.
He shows her funny things he sees on Facebook. She is the only one who seems to make him smile as if she can do no wrong; he spent the day with her and told her, “Thanks for a great day.” They are like two peas in a pod now, and I’m starting to feel jealous. I think it’s great they are stronger than ever, but he doesn’t thank me for anything anymore; he barely wants to spend any time with me, and he seems to get annoyed by everything that I do. I’m at a loss right now because I don’t know how to bring my relationship back to the way it was, and he is NOT the easiest person to talk to.
Everything I say or do seems to set him off, so I mostly just keep to myself. Am I wrong for feeling jealous toward my stepdaughter even though I am happy for them? Is there anything I can do to help my husband realize I miss the way we used to be?
— Missing My Husband
DEAR MISSING MY HUSBAND » You are not wrong to feel jealous of your stepdaughter. And you are right to feel happy for them. It is lovely that their relationship was able to grow after some good therapy.
Their relationship is actually not the issue at all. The real issue is the way he is treating you by insisting on sleeping on the couch, snapping at you and always being in a bad mood toward you. That’s no way to live. He has it in him to have a lovely relationship with his daughter as well as an intimate and kind relationship with you. Although he is not the easiest person to talk to, that is the only way you are going to resolve this. Suggest that you go see a marriage counselor together. If he wants to make the marriage work, he will. If not, then go see a counselor yourself and figure out your next steps. Regardless of the outcome, communication is key in any marriage. Best of luck to you.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.