Two keys to turn your life around
There are various factors that may lead someone to decide that they are ready to “turn their life around.”
Usually, there is a history of choices that have brought about significant pain to themselves or those they care about. It could be the familiar ‘bad habits’ that likely came to mind as you read this, such as alcohol, drugs, over-eating, gambling, or over-spending.
But there are many other life paths that can bring us to the point that we want a significant change. Perhaps we have wasted too many years in front of a TV, or have no savings in the bank, or maybe we lost control of our anger too many times with those we love. Maybe we don’t like being out of breath walking up the stairs, or we have lost the keys one too many times, so we know it’s time for working out either the brain or the body.
Maybe it’s a relationship or a career path that isn’t working for us. There are dozens of other reasons why we might decide to turn things around, but regardless of the reason, there are a couple of keys to making it happen. Let’s cover this today.
Two Keys To Turn Your Life Around
1. Get Inspired First … Before Changing Out of Frustration or Pain.
Most of us seek change out of hurt, frustration, or desperation. This is understandable. However, we usually have a strong psychological relationship with the experiences or habits we want to change or abandon. We resist what we don’t like. We think about it. We talk about it. We lose sleep over it. We go to therapy and talk more about it. Most importantly, we feel fed up with it.
All of this strengthens the psychological relationship we have with what we resist. Essentially, we are at war with our past, and we are not accepting of this past. We resist it, hate it, and want to run away from it.
Here’s the problem. This pain can serve to be fuel for the engine that could take you anywhere you want to go. However, without a good guidance system or a clear map of where you are going, we end up being a ship without direction…going in circles and re-creating the same drama over and over in our lives.
The solution here is straightforward: Make the decision that it is time to change. However, this must be a final decision, not to be re-examined. Now, be done with that part.
Next, turn your attention toward where you are going. And here is where you get inspired, excited, and emotional about what is next for you. What could you get excited about? What types of experiences would bring you growth? How would you envision a life, once turned-around, that fulfills and inspires you?
Use your mind to bring you to that inspiring, better future now. Don’t wait for it to touch you emotionally. Don’t wait for it to come in reality.
Instead, bring that emotion into your life today as you begin to create this inspiring future in your inner world.
Think it and feel it, as if it’s happened. And do this repeatedly until it seems as if it’s already a part of you. If it’s scary, that’s likely good. If it’s uncomfortable for you, that’s likely even better.
All growth involves moving from the familiar comfort to the unfamiliar and often uncomfortable. Once we are accepting of this, we are better prepared for the next piece.
2. Seek to Love Effort Over Ease
Too often, my clients want change to be easy. That is usually a fairy tale. If we just want the easy way out to a better life, we are destined for future misery. Life just isn’t wired that way.
Change is difficult, as habit patterns are deeply set in the neural pathways of our brain. Most of us know by now, almost all worthwhile change involves effort.
So, if we want to turn our lives around, we must fall in love with the effort that is involved. It is in this effort that we grow, evolve, and transform our brains and our lives.
I find many folks who seem to want a rewarding and fulfilling life but simply aren’t prepared to put in the effort to get there. A recent clinical example comes to mind. At our clinic, we completed a QEEG, or brain map, on a new client with a long history of psychological issues. The map reflected the many struggles he had experienced, and no doubt, Neurofeedback would have been of great benefit to him.
However, he insisted that he wanted a ‘guarantee’ that he would be ‘fixed’ after the training.
When I discussed his questions with him, it became clear: This young man did not JUST want a guarantee, but he wanted everything to be painless and without effort. This expectation is incompatible with success, and thus I released him as a possible client.
Seeking the easy path is easy, perhaps, for today. On this path, we can find a distraction, whether it’s a beer, the TV, gaming, or social media. But over time, the easy path will strip away our joy, our energy, and our fulfillment. Only more pain and disappointment awaits, unfortunately.
Thus, please abandon this idea, and seek the life of inspired effort. You will find that the world cannot help but relinquish its gifts to those that move forward with inspiration and excitement.
Summary
Stop resisting your life. Accept it, but realize that it may be a time for a change. If so, start getting inspired by the vision of the life you seek. Make it emotional and uplifting, and bring this alive to your life every day.
As you do so, change will require effort. Consider how you can enjoy and embrace this effort. When you align yourself with this mission, you will find that your growth and personal evolution will uplift you much more than the result of getting there. You must become more skilled, more prepared, and more capable of getting what you want in order to get it.
This process of growth is remarkably rewarding, as well as joyfully addictive.
Dr. Randy Cale, a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker and licensed psychologist, offers practical guidance for a host of parenting concerns. His website, www.TerrificParenting.com, offers free parenting guidance and an email newsletter. Readers can learn more by reviewing past articles found on the websites of The Saratogian, The Record and The Community News. Submit questions to DrRandyCale@gmail.com