Part II: Managing the child with ADD/ADHD

A child with attentional issues, whether full ADD/ ADHD or not, can be challenging for parents. As an adult with ADD, the same problems become magnified at times, depending upon the degree of dysregulation in the brain.

How can we influence the brain to move toward more regulated patterns? One secret, whether child, teen, or adult, is to master the use of leverage. As a parent, however, you must master the principles covered in last week’s article if leverage is to have a meaningful long-term impact.

PART II >> Leverage is the Great Motivator.

This lesson points to the source of power we often neglect; leverage. Leverage is simple, pervasive in our world, and predictably shapes behavior. We have leverage when we control what children and teens care about and do so predictably and reliably. Essentially: no goodies until the work is done. The more leverage, the more emotional influence we have on the brain, and then there is motivation to focus and ignore the distracting thoughts.

From a practical perspective, using leverage consistently communicates a silent, daily message that says, ‘it’s work, then play’ or ‘focus a bit and then enjoy.’ These are all easeful, natural, and predictable ways of thinking about leverage with children.

I emphasize this simple formula because it is the secret juice that can set you free when working with the more challenging aspects of ADD/ADHD. When you embrace this formula, then life gets simple. Why? Because you are using leverage to get cooperationnot your voice, words, threats, or yelling.

As adults with ADD, we exert leverage on ourselves by control of our own ‘goodies,’ so to speak. We control our access to what we want or enjoy until we complete a task or project.

Practically speaking, we hide our phone some distance away so we can’t impulsively reach for it. We can use apps to limit our computer or phone browsing, which works remarkably well. We can set up workspaces with locked doors so we can’t roam or distract ourselves without concerted effort-these are all effective leverage strategies.

We hold ourselves hostage to some focused moments of effort before we indulge our distractable tendencies. If we make it easy for the distractable mind to get what it wants, we feed those dysregulated brain tendencies and only worsen things over time.

Bottom line: Never give up your leverage.

PARENTS >> Abandon Control of Your Kids — Obsess On Control Of The Goodies.

This works in concert with our discussion last week. Instead of trying to control your children (almost impossible with ADD/ADHD), you now focus on controlling something much more practical: the goodies! Getting very skilled at managing the stuff your children seek out for pleasure and enjoyment is essential.

For easy children, this can mean that you say that the TV and playroom are off-limits until the homework is done. However, it would be best if you predictably took control of the goodies for your more challenging kids. You will have to lock up the toys, shut down the electronics and perhaps lock up the bicycle in the garage. All these actions may be necessary early on with the child who brings a bit of defiance to the table, as is often the case with ADHD.

Simple solution: Remove/control the goodies until the work is completed.

ADULTS >> Abandon Willpower as a Tool.

Willpower is not the answer, and it rarely is. This conclusion is true whether it’s ADD, lack of motivation, or other conditions. Thus, abandon more willpower. Instead, we can get better focus and superior results through the habitual exercise of leverage. The daily habits of restricting what we want, and limiting what our distractable brain enjoys, is a tool that profoundly shifts our success at taming the ADD distractions.

If you can free yourself of the idea that you should be able to control your thoughts or actions better, then you can relax a bit and go easier on yourself. The release of the ‘more willpower’ idea, and all those ‘shoulds’ that come with it, is freedom. Everyone deserves that!

Instead, remember this leverage concept, and put it to use every day. This will help you tame the ADD brain in ways that improve over time. It’s not a cure, but this strategy will help adults thrive despite some distractable tendencies.

HOW DO YOU EAT AN ELEPHANT?

One bite at a time, of course. If you or your child has severe ADD/ADHD, you may need to adjust your approach slightly. Build-in ‘work’ demands in smaller chunks of time before a period of play is allowed. Thus, you might have two or three ‘Work, then Play’ segments in an afternoon for your child.

For adults, the same formula applies. Don’t expect four hours of solid work before giving yourself a short break. Work in smaller chunks, and control the leverage impeccably so you can’t cheat (e.g., turn on your phone or start browsing online) during a work segment.

SUSTAINABLE LONG-TERM CHANGE >>

Shifting the Underlying Dysregulated Brain

Using leverage is helpful, but for severe cases, we often can use other tools to improve brain wave patterns incrementally. Next week’s article will cover methods that change dysregulated brain patterns and reduce anxiety. The literature suggests that anxiety is often part and parcel of ADD/ADHD; thus, various methods can help regulate the mind and body together to impact anxiety and ADD simultaneously.

For more about what we do, please check us out at CaptialDistrictNeurofeedback.com.