The ‘Wisdom’ of Succession (lessons on how not to parent)
After four seasons, the award-winning series “Succession” has come to an explosive and powerful ending; talk about an emotional rollar coaster of a conclusion. Viewers had been trying to predict how the largely unlikeable and vulnerable adult children of the media giant and patriarch, Logan Roy, would take over the empire. Ultimately, and not surprisingly, there was no happy ending.
In the foreground of this drama, full of ostentatious wealth, entitlement, amazing NYC apartments, and incredible trips, there is a classic family dynamic at work. Four adult children (often acting more like spoiled children than adults) are longing for a blessing from a father who was cruel and demeaning. Underneath the drama and glitter of this popular series, this powerful family theme is worth considering.
First, understand the power and longing for blessing. Logan Roy, the patriarch and media giant, was the ultimate control freak. He was by no means a good father, or a good husband. He was often dismissive and cruel to his children, and provided very little positive “mirroring”; never really letting them know how they are seen. Despite his cruel treatment, however, his children desperately and instinctually longed for his attention. The grief they displayed at his funeral may have been the realization that he died before any of them received a blessing; they were, at the end of the day, helpless children desperate to be seen, validated and understood. It’s too easy to miss this point under the drama of who will succeed Roy and take over the empire.
Second, the lack of blessing is crippling. While the adult children all enjoyed the trappings of wealth and power, in the end, they were all remarkably immature and limited in their ability to connect and sustain relationships. Kendall used addiction to hide; Shiv had a marriage of convenience, avoiding connection and intimacy; Roman used humor to hide his feelings; and Connor used grandiosity, believing
he could someday be president or an ambassador, to hide. Sadly, this is the logical outgrowth of parenting that provides no accurate mirroring, or feedback on who a child is. Underneath the trappings of wealth and power they had, in the language of depth psychology, no real self or identity. Instead, each of the children had what the late family therapist Murray Bowen called an elaborate “pseudo self”. All of their relationships were transactional, or a means to an end, with no experience of intimacy. Roman summed it up powerfully in the final episode when he said “we are nothing”; and, in reality, he was right. The absence of blessing, and lack of feeling seen and loved resulted in the creation of false selves incapable of intimacy.
Third, understand the destructive impact of triangles. Not only was Logan Roy incapable of seeing his children and providing love and “mirroring”, but he routinely played one against the other in cruel and demeaning ways. He frequently talked to each child about the limitations of the others. No one knew where they stood or how they were truly seen. In the final episodes, they were all trying to guess who their father would have picked to succeed him. Unfortunately, these dynamics render them incapable of healthy sibling relationships. The heartbreaking finale sees them bonding briefly and playfully in a childlike way, only to viciously turn on each other. Triangles destroy any sense of real self, increase anxiety, and create more animosity.
Finally, offering wealth instead of blessing is meaningless. Logan Roy was an immigrant who came from nothing, and wanted to offer his family something different. He hoped that the creation of wealth and power would offer his children what he did not have. In reality, it hurt them more than it helped them. What they needed was his unconditional love and acceptance, rather than wealth. Instead of raising healthy autonomous adults, he abandoned them to become entitled without any real value system or self. The danger of unhealed parental wounds is profound and clear in Roy’s parenting. When we attempt to give our children what we didn’t have and ignore childhood needs for accurate mirroring and understanding, we create entitlement and the absence of deep values or ability to find intimacy. Freud once stated that health is the ability to love and work. In the end, Logan Roy’s children could do neither.
While the series is a “tragic comedy”, its lessons are powerful. We are reminded that what was missing in Logan Roy’s parenting is actually what everyone craves from a parent: to be seen and blessed. Offering gifts, wealth, or pushing for accomplishments will not create health. In the end, the universal longing is to be seen, accepted, and loved. That is a gift that will change generations.
David Olsen, PhD, LMFT, is the Executive Director of Samaritan Counseling Center.