Playing ‘outside your head’
Recently my wife and I took the grandkids to Branson for the weekend. I spent part of the time watching our grandson while my wife took the granddaughters to attractions that a 3-year-old boy would not enjoy.
Our grandson recently developed a passion for “Transformers,” so I bought him a couple of these to play with while we spent time together. For the uninitiated, Transformers are toys that “transform” from some type of vehicle to a robot.
A question came to mind as I watched him play with these toys: At what age do we lose the capacity to find joy in the moment and immerse ourselves in it? Most of us could do it as children, but not so much as adults. I remember when I was growing up I would spend hours watching bugs or playing with the neighbor kids and had no thoughts about anything in the past or future — unless, of course, they were about Christmas or the last day of school.
Somehow as we age our minds abandon the present and focus on the past and the future. This becomes a problem when thoughts about the past trigger anger, resentment, or regret and thoughts about the future take the form of worry.
I tell therapy group members that the place they’ll find peace is usually the place that’s the most accessible: right here and right now. If your surroundings are peaceful but you are feeling anxious, angry, or regretful, it’s likely because you are “inside your head” — your brain is processing worrisome thoughts and unpleasant memories, rather than processing what’s happening around you. (This is why some folks need the TV on all the time for noise — it’s to drown out what’s going on in their heads.)
A skill that helps to get “outside your head” is to sit quietly, breathe slowly, and consciously ask “what am I seeing right now,” “what am I hearing right now,” and so on. The idea is to get your brain processing what your senses input rather than what your memories or worrisome thoughts are inputting. It’s a skill that takes practice, but many have found peace by using it.
Children don’t need this skill. They just naturally stay in the moment. Wherever they are, they’re all there.
If you have trouble getting “outside your head” and it causes you considerable distress, give us a call at 622-3580. Perhaps we can help.