No need to be ugly

“There is no need to be ugly” was a phrase I heard my mother say many times as I was growing up. She would tell my siblings and me this anytime she thought that we were being rude or insensitive in a situation for no valid reason.

I was reminded of my mom’s saying this week while at a local retail store. I was there buying some merchandise when a lady came into the store. She had purchased some equipment directly from the manufacturer and decided that she did not want the merchandise and wanted the store to send the item back to the manufacturer and to give her a receipt showing that she had sent it back.

The sales clerk politely explained to the lady that since she had purchased the item directly from the manufacturer, she would need to send it back via the Post Office.

Well, to put it mildly, the lady was not happy with that and proceeded to tell the clerk that she wanted the store to send it back. The manager of the store stepped in and told the clerk to go ahead and send the item back for the lady at no charge. As the clerk was processing the necessary paperwork, the lady stated loud enough for everyone in the store to hear, “They are so crooked I need a receipt to prove I sent it back.” The clerk did not respond to the comment and continued to fill out the paperwork.

The manager then asked the clerk if she had removed the shipping tag from the item and given that back to the customer so she would have that as proof of delivery. The clerk said she had not and then proceeded to remove the tag when the customer stated very loudly, “Looks like she needs to go to school before you have her out here helping people.” To that the manager replied they were helping the lady, but they really had no obligation to do so since she purchased directly from the manufacturer and he would appreciate it if she would not speak to the clerk like that. The customer got her receipt and walked out mumbling some not so nice things. I then looked at the clerk and could see she was upset and on the verge of tears over the incident.

I began to wonder why the lady would have said those things and treated the clerk that way. An article written in the magazine Talking Philosophy said that there are several causes of rude behavior. The article says the first cause of rudeness is ignorance. People simply were not taught how to be polite or they do not understand how others view their actions.

Another cause is a desire for power and control. People want to control the situation and feel that the only way they can do that is to take charge. Some folks think putting someone down places them in a position of power.

A third common cause of rudeness, according to the article, is people view others as beneath them or less of a person than they are. They regard others as being less useful, inferior or unable to retaliate.

The final reason given by the article is retaliation. This concept is, that as people are treated rudely by others, they remember that treatment and look for the opportunity to pay someone back for that treatment.

All of those sound like legitimate explanations of where rude behavior comes from, but it still does not excuse it. Everyone’s life is stressful and we all have problems, but to degrade and humiliate someone for no reason is completely unacceptable.

I believe you get better assistance from people when you treat them with respect and courtesy. It doesn’t take any more energy to be polite and you may be surprised at what your kindness can do to help the situation. There really is no need to be ugly.