Alzheimer’s is always close to home
In a previous column, I referenced actress Marcia Gay Harden’s loving tribute to her mother, Beverly Harden, in the recently published book, “The Seasons of My Mother: A Memoir of Love, Family and Flowers.”
I was deeply moved by this nonfiction work
— so much so that I also purchased the audio version because hearing the Academy Award-winning thespian recount her mother-daughter journey before and now — during the horrors of Alzheimer’s — would present the nuances and hues of their story in an even more personal way.
And while Harden, the author, celebrates the human spirit of Harden, mother of five, Navy wife, then widow, doting “grand” and accomplished gardener, she also states with quiet conviction, “This is not a disease where one can ‘make lemonade from lemons.’ There is nothing good about Alzheimer’s and I resist even a nod toward accepting its ravages.”
Who among us has not been touched by Alzheimer’s or by dementia in some form or another? No matter what we call it, no matter when it appears or how it manifests itself, this memory-taker, dignity-robber, life-shortener, is awful.
We have all asked, “Why him, why her?” We have all raged against the insidious intruder while at the same time giving prayerful thanks to those committed and compassionate caregivers — family members, friends and trained professionals, who soldier on beside us.
Marcia Gay Harden quotes a few statistics about Alzheimer’s in this compelling autobiographical glimpse into her life and that of her parents, siblings and three children. But, she makes certain that Beverly Harden will not ever be seen as just another number on the long list of persons who struggle with this hideous affliction. In written and spoken words and phrases, a respectful and grateful daughter introduces us to “Mom’s” humanity and humor. By reading or listening in on the conversations these two women shared over time, we feel we have come to know them. And after witnessing their strength and humanity, perhaps we have come to better understand our own missteps and frailties as well.
Marcia Gay Harden has just the right voice with which to relate to us the things her mother cannot recall. She invites us in and allows us to sit at the kitchen table as she reminisces about happy moments, funny occurrences, challenging and stressful situations a devoted daughter and mother experience together.
Given her stage and screen background, Harden uses the perfect tone in narrating what has to be the most intimate and difficult chronicle she has ever attempted. Ever the professional, she is not overly dramatic, she eschews highs and lows, she guides us along with a steady hand on the helm. She is not acting here. She is connecting her realities with so many others who have walked the same path.
Despite its obvious emotional pull, “Seasons of My Mother” is not maudlin, not a dark and dreary downer. I found it to be insightful and interesting from start to finish or from first CD track to last. I likewise found it helpful and uplifting.
On her mother’s behalf, Marcia Gay Harden is fighting hard to help support the research that will one day unlock the key to Alzheimer’s. Her unique treatise on the subject should encourage us to do the same.
After all, Alzheimer’s is always close to home.