Civility wanted

Dear editor:

This writer would feel much more secure if she could use a nom de plume. However, a pen name is not accepted by this newspaper, nor should the subject of this letter be avoided. Thanks to the writer who recently recounted her experiences. Those of us who have been subjected to invasion of our bodies or shamed into silence by culture have been gagged into suppression of facts.

Most men are respectful of women and girls, though some males feel privileged to bully us. Just think about the rapes in Garland County that The Sentinel-Record reports!

The first attack I remember was in the fourth grade when I came around the corner of the school. A much older student jumped out from behind a Spanish dagger and wrestled me to the ground. The ever-watchful principal ran out and dragged me to safety. Do I remember the date? No. Next, my mother’s cousin (a doctor in Memphis!) assaulted me when I was about 13. Did I tell my mother? No. Do I remember the date? No.

When I was a high school junior, after many refusals, I finally went out with a senior boy. When he brought me home, I fought his attempts to assault and frantically ran into the house. I didn’t tell anyone. Later, I was on a first date with a terrific boy; we were forced off the road by the first guy who said, “If I can’t have her, nobody can have her.” I told my mother. My big brother, back from Korea as an MP, made a billy club and went looking, spreading the word that he was looking for the senior bully, who only taunted me after that. Do I remember the date? No.

When I was 20, newly married and working at the University of Texas in 1959, the department director Dr. T., sat on my desk and spoke in sexual innuendos, and continued even after I politely informed him that I needed to pay attention to my work. I quit that job — another way of dealing with harassment.

After my divorce in the early 1970s, some men thought I was fair game. Wrong! One wife was furious with me because I wouldn’t have an affair with her husband. She wanted an excuse to do her own playing around and thought that I could help her with her recreation. Do I remember the date? No.

… And there are more stories. No, I don’t remember the dates, but I do remember some of the circumstances and surroundings. Blaming me of being seductive is misplaced: I dressed modestly! Blaming the victim is unconscionable. What I am guilty of is naiveté. Goodness, it’s a miracle that I like men! I do like men whom I respect — and who conduct themselves properly.

The theme of this letter is manyfold: women want and deserve respect; “no” means no; women are not to be bullied or shamed; women have the right to feel safe. Society must change to promote mutual esteem between women and men.

Civility wanted! Barbara Thexton Hot Springs