Lazy is as lazy does

As I age, I’ve noticed that I look for ways to economize my motion and my time.

For example, the other day I dropped a large stack of fairly important papers. The papers flew everywhere and were scattered all across the floor. After looking at the mess and uttering a curse word to myself, I thought about how I was going to gather up all of these papers. In my younger days, I would have dove right in and started picking up the sheets one by one. The older me was not about to bend over that many times.

Therefore, I took my foot, scooted all of the papers into a pile, bent over, and picked them all up at once. Sure, some of the papers had shoe prints on them but it was worth it, in my opinion.

In addition, when I have to run many errands, I find myself preplanning my route in order to avoid having to turn against traffic. For instance, on Wednesday I had to pick up some bread from the grocery store, drop by, grab a prescription from the drugstore, and get some lunch. So before I started my car I thought about my journey and what stores I should hit first in order to avoid trying to turn against oncoming traffic. The best order was bread, drugs and then lunch. I even got bread at a store I do not use very often just because it made more sense in the scheme of things. Yeah, I was pretty hungry by the time I got done with the other stuff. Especially waiting at the drugstore, but that is a story for another time.

Nothing can, however, replace the satisfaction I felt as I effortlessly pulled out of the restaurant parking lot and eased into traffic to return to work. My stress and anxiety were lessened by preplanning and thoughtfully using my time and the city streets.

Some would call me lazy. Others would call me calculating. Most may think I’m a mad man. However, as R.A. Salvatore said, “Sane is boring.”

I began thinking about my prudent planning process when I heard a story on NPR that said millennials are so worried about climate change that they are choosing to not have children. They interviewed several millennials for the broadcast and they all basically said they worry daily about global warming.

So I decided to do a little independent research and I asked some millennials I know if they were that concerned about climate change. Much to my surprise, they said they were extremely concerned about climate change. One of them said she was so concerned about it because she felt that “old people don’t care” so her generation had to worry about it even more. She went on to tell me some convoluted story about skinny polar bears, which frankly I couldn’t comprehend but nonetheless she showed very real concern about the planet’s climate.

Then I remembered that she drove a rather large SUV and I asked her if she considered climate change when she selected her vehicle. She said what other choice did she have? She could not strap her kid to the back of a scooter and haul him around. Good point, I guess.

I mean, I think her thought process is similar to mine. I did not really care how dirty those papers got that I dropped on the floor as long as I did not have to put forth too much effort to get them picked up. So this millennial did not really care how dirty the air gets as long as she can be sure her kid gets to McDonald’s in comfort.

Sounds like a fair trade to the lazy, crazy old guy who doesn’t want to go against the flow of traffic.