The pit of good intentions
We did not have a garage when I was growing up. So the first time I had a house with an attached garage I felt like I was James Bond driving into some hidden spy facility. When I first activated the button to raise the garage door, it seemed in my mind that I was Batman making my way into a secret lair. I remember keeping everything in good order and making sure my bat mobile had plenty of space to make a fast exit in the event we were called out by the bat signal.
As time has progressed my garage has taken on a much different role. I now refer to my garage as “The Pit of Good Intentions.” It is now filled with items gathered in an effort to improve some aspect of my life. However, for one reason or another the items have never been used to full potential and now sit dormant in the pit.
For instance, all the lawn improvement products purchased to make our yard the showpiece of the neighborhood. Various sprinklers, fertilizers, mulch, potting soil and weed killer sit in their own dark corner having been only partially used many springs ago. I am not sure how long that stuff lasts but pretty sure if it can expire it probably is expired. But then again can dirt expire? Another question for another column.
Next, we come to the exercise equipment purchased on the recommendation of some C level celebrity on a late night infomercial. I am sure Ponch from CHIPS knows everything about giving me buns of steel. Moreover, Chrissy from Three’s Company can tone my thighs to a razor’s edge in just 12 short weeks. However, the catch is you have to use the stuff and mine now inhabits various cubby holes in the pit.
Lastly, we come to the cooking products that will turn me into Emeril Lagasse in just three easy payments of $19.99. Who doesn’t love a good electric food dehydrator or an inside-the-shell egg scrambler? The George Foreman Grill was a staple on my counter for many years and saw regular use in my bachelor days. The pit eventually claimed George too. He now occupies a shelf right beside the Veg-O-Matic and a Sweating to the Oldies VCR tape.
Maybe someday The Pocket Fisherman will see the light of day. Perhaps The Smokeless Ashtray will find a new use outside of gathering dust in the pit. Heck, I may break out the Mr. Microphone and say that world-famous phrase to my wife, “Hey good looking I’ll be back to pick you up later”.
The Pit of Good Intentions grows each year. Just when I think it is filled to capacity that well know phrase echoes through my mind, “But wait there’s more!”