Cross-country relationship kept secret from mother
DEAR ABBY: I’m in high school. My boyfriend lives across the country in a different state. He is a teenager, too. I have asked people for advice about this before and mostly gotten the same answer. They say, “Wait ‘til you’re older,” or, “Your mom is just looking out for you.” I don’t believe it.
So I’m asking for advice on how to tell my mom that I’m in a long-distance relationship, and I would like to meet him in person. We met on a game about a year and a half ago. We’ve dated twice before for about a month or two. But now we have been dating for almost five months.
When I told my mom about him, she didn’t like him. She doesn’t even know him! How can I convince her that he’s a good person and she just has to get to know him so she’ll let me see him? I’m afraid to tell her because the idea makes me nervous. She refuses to understand that he is good to me, and he loves me and I love him. Although we’re only teenagers, we have talked about forever. Do you have any advice for me? — STRUGGLING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR STRUGGLING: Yes, I do, and I hope you will take to heart what I am about to say because I am not patronizing you. Look at this from your mother’s perspective.
This young man is someone she has never met in person and neither have you. Yes, you have been talking, but there is no guarantee that he is everything he has represented himself to be in those conversations.
It is a mother’s JOB to protect her child. There is truth to the statement that she is “just looking out for you.” I believe the feelings you have for this young man are valid, but I also feel that if he lived close by and your mother could meet him, things might be different.
For the time being, continue communicating with him and perhaps a more serious relationship will develop. However, consider this: What would you do if you finally found yourself in the same room with him and the chemistry
Datebook wasn’t what you expected it would be? This has been known to happen. (Trust me on that!) Time will tell if this is the real thing.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been separated for nearly a year. Prior to this we dated for nearly four years.
After her mom passed, she fell into a depression and was grieving deeply. I went to see her and she said it was over. We’ve had some contact, but it has dwindled to nothing. I brought my cat into the relationship, and now she won’t give it back. She isn’t answering my phone calls or texts. I’m blocked. I’ve tried letters and had friends try to talk to her. It’s just mind-boggling.
She’s 57 years old. She’s not a spring chicken. I will have to go to small claims court to get my cat back. I’d like to salvage the relationship and try to avoid all this. — CAT PROBLEMS IN FLORIDA
DEAR CAT PROBLEMS: You seem like a nice person, and I sympathize, so I will offer this observation. You deserve an apology from that woman for her behavior. Do not try to salvage the relationship, which appears to have ended when her mother died. In time, you will find a lady friend who will reciprocate your feelings. DO take her to small claims court to get your cat back because, as it stands, it is the safest and most legal way you are going to have your furry family member returned.