Absolution clothing

While driving home the other day, I passed a gravel truck that had two signs on it. One sign said “Stay Back 200 Feet” and the other sign said “Not Responsible For Vehicle Damage.” I understand why the truck would have such signs. We have all heard that little tink sound when a rock hits our windshield and then we see the crack. Left unattended this crack will spread and soon span the breadth of our windshield. It kind of makes you sick when you hear the tink.

The sign reminds me of the ones in the parking lots of stores that say “Not Responsible for Damage from Carts.” On a windy day, it is almost like watching a demolition derby with those carts and cars in the lot.

I’ve dodged and chased down my share of runaway shopping buggies in my time.

Funny how those things barely can roll when they are in the store but out on the parking lot they can run like greased lightning.

However, it does seem a little odd that just placing a sign on something can relieve you of the responsibility of your actions. I guess it is good cover if you can get it.

I wish this type of accountability waver could be extended to other parts of life. For instance, if I wear a T-shirt to the grocery store that says, “Always First In Line” then I could just jump to the front of the checkout lane and not have to wait. When someone complained, I could just point to my shirt and tell them that since I posted it I have the right to do it. This shirt could come in handy at the doctor’s office, restaurant or barbershop too.

What if I had a hat made that said “Loud Movie Talker” and wore it to the cinema. I could talk with my friends or to the screen as loud as I wanted to and no one could shush me. If I already saw the movie, I could easily spoil the surprise ending for everyone in attendance because after all I have on my hat. Maybe I could combine the hat with a shirt that said “Not Responsible for Noisy Popcorn Crunching.” That way I could enjoy some food while talking with my friend very loudly.

Imagine if I got a jacket made that said: “Always Late, Not Accountable for Ruined Plans.” We all know people who would benefit greatly from wearing such a jacket. I would hazard to guess that such a jacket would have saved many a friendship over the years. I hate when people are late and I usually let them know about it when it happens. However, if they had the absolution jacket it would solve that problem. I could not quarrel with them because they have on the jacket.

I am thinking seriously about launching my Absolution Clothing Line this fall. I bet it will be huge. Because when you think about it, the possibilities and needs of such as line are endless. I think some bestsellers would be: “I Snore” Sleep Masks.

“Grumpy Before Coffee” Bath Robes.

“Strong Odor” Socks.

“Hungover” Sunglasses.

I am going to be rich! My slogan will be “Who Couldn’t Use A Little Absolution.”