Hold the mayo

I was somewhat taken aback the other day when I purchased a cheeseburger and took a bite. The burger was covered in mayonnaise. Let’s just say my taste buds were none too pleased with the experience.

I usually do not partake of mayo on my burgers. Come to think of it, I really do not indulge in mayo on anything.

This is somewhat strange in the fact that I used to be a huge mayonnaise fan when I was a kid. I would come home from school and make myself a mayonnaise sandwich.

That’s right, a mayonnaise sandwich.

The after-school treat consisted of nothing but bread and mayo. I would devour two of these sandwiches fairly regularly as I watched reruns of

“The Brady Bunch” and “Gilligan’s

Island.”

If I were feeling especially fancy,

I would make myself mayonnaise crackers. Saltines covered in mayonnaise and washed down with a big glass of grape Kool-aid was a snack fit for a king. My mind’s eye can still see the mayo squirting through the holes in the crackers, as I would squeeze the snack together.

Somewhere along the path, I lost my love of the original, white salad dressing. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment but I am willing to bet it occurred around the time after school became filled with sports and girl chasing instead of the adventures of the Skipper and Mr. Howell. I did not have as much time to focus on the milky munchies.

Mustard and ketchup leapfrogged mayo during my late teens. I took to mixing the two together to make a combination that I gave a name. I will not use the name here but I am sure you can figure it out. It involves the first half of the word ketchup paired with the last half of the word mustard. It elicits a giggle from my daughters every time I mention the name of my creation.

Now, I won’t condemn anyone for putting mayo on a burger. This is the land of the free. If someone wants to put mayo on a burger and enjoy it, that is their right.

It is also their right to put fermented bean curd, strawberry jam or sardines on a hamburger if they choose. Some of us may think it weird or even disgusting but they could do it.

Tastes change over time and we all evolve. Maybe someday my love of mayonnaise will return. Perhaps I will start enjoying crackers and mayo as a midnight snack.

Change happens every day. That is the beauty of our mind. It can alter at an amazingly fast pace. We can experience revelations at breakneck speed. Unexplainable phenomena can occur in the blink of an eye. One day maybe I, too, will experience a Miracle Whip.