‘Empty nesters’ finding nests full again
“Empty nesters” are finding themselves supporting their adult children more and more, according to a recent survey conducted by senior community website 55Places.com.
“We found that many empty nesters no longer have an ‘empty’ nest as their children are either returning home or are in need of some type of support,” said 55Places Chief Operating Officer Danny Goodman. “Roughly four in 10 empty nesters say they’ve had to financially support their adult children, and many help with bills, rent, and other shared expenses.”
Goodman said 40 percent of parents continue to financially support their children after they’ve left, spending an average of $254 per month, though 86 percent said they believe their children will be financially independent within two years.
The most common expenses empty nesters reported keeping up for their children included things like cell phone plans (24 percent), rent (19 percent), groceries (18 percent) and student loans (15 percent).
“The notion that once your children graduate and start their careers that you’re done with your financial responsibilities as a parent is not always the case,” Goodman said. “Millennials and Gen-Zers are getting married later, may struggle with job instability or significant college debts, which is leading to prolonged financial dependence with their parents.”
Nearly half of the respondents said their children had left the home after an expected average age of 21 and 38 percent had their child move back in. About 60 percent said they think their child or children will return to the nest at some point.
“We seem to hear it more and more,” said Steven Gamble, deputy director of Delaware County Office of Services for the Aging. “It seems to be more regular in more recent years than we would have heard it in prior years.”
Gamble, who has been with COSA for 22 years, said his experience is merely anecdotal but seems to comport with the 55Places survey.
“Because of college education costs, in some cases that has gone up so much people have tended to come back home to live while they’re figuring out what their next steps are, how to pay off student loans,” he said. “Cost of living, housing costs – this southeastern region in Pennsylvania has relatively high housing costs. Even a one-bedroom apartment in Delco, you’re looking at close to $1,000, and based on the types of jobs that are available, some people might not be able to live independently on their own.”
Gamble said some might have been affected by the opioid crisis gripping the nation, while others are moving back in to help care for their aging parents and grandparents or simply to keep hold of the familial experience.
Goodman added that given the financial burdens parents might experience after their children leave home, it is important to factor those costs into retirement savings. The survey found half of respondents are saving more for retirement, though 23 percent said retirement savings represents their largest financial stress.
“This generation of young adults continues to experience some of the financial burdens of the working world and mounting student debt, and it’s highly possible that they’ll continue to lean on their parents for financial support as rent and housing prices continue to outpace wages,” he said. “However, our study found that many parents of these adult children do not necessarily feel overly burdened by the reliance. If children are still financially dependent, though, parents might have to adjust their daily spending habits so their long-term plans aren’t impacted.”
The survey noted that millennials also seem to be more connected to their parents than prior generations, with 30 percent of respondents reporting an increase in communication with their children after they left home.
Some 34 percent said they talk to their children daily and 41 percent keep in touch more than once per week. Most of these might be phone or online interactions, but a quarter said they see their children in person several times per month. Another 24 percent said they see their kids just a few times per year, such as on holidays.
“Parents may experience a wide array of emotions depending on the circumstances leading to the extended support of their adult children,” said Goodman. “For some, there’s a sense of closeness that comes to remaining highly involved in their children’s lives. For others, there can be added financial stress where their own savings and retirement may be reallocated to assist their children.”
While 66 percent of respondents reported experiencing loneliness and grief with the departure of their children – a condition more commonly known as “empty nest syndrome” – almost 70 percent reported enjoying their newfound lifestyle and 80 percent reported spending more one-on-one time with their spouse.
More than 80 percent also reported having more freedom and 59 percent either took up a new hobby or returned to an old one. The survey also found 63 percent of respondents reported their marital bonds had strengthened, while 58 percent said their newly rediscovered freedom led to more intimacy with their spouse.