Getting jobbed by the economy
With inflation soaring like a Joe Biden-fueled rocket and the stock market plunging like red carpet necklines, some seniors are returning to the workforce.
Trust me, they’re not smiling about it.
What would you rather do? Sleep to noon, enjoy a leisurely brunch and sun in a hammock or arise at dawn, gobble a protein bar and sweat in a salt mine?
Enough said.
I too have felt the harsh sting of a cranky economy, so I’m pondering a return to work.
My problem is that I was a journalist and now newspapers are disappearing like the dinosaurs once did. Being a print journalist today is much like being a covered wagon manufacturer when Henry Ford rolled out his first Model-T.
Of course, I could become a television journalist. Except for two drawbacks. I’m old and I’m ugly. Television reporters/ anchors are either pretty and young or established sages for the ages.
I thought about becoming a lion tamer because I enjoy cracking the whip. Alas, the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus recently announced it’s returning with no animal acts in 2023. Whips only work for people with a sick fetish and my old man would have whipped me for even mentioning such a ghastly perversion.
So now what?
I used to enjoy landscaping. But what landscaper worth his rake would hire a 72-year-old geezer with two knee replacements and a spine with more curves than a Formula One racetrack?
Those aforementioned physical disabilities also rule out lifeguard, piano mover, bricklayer, carpenter, plumber, electrician, roofer and assassin as job possibilities.
I could opt for computer programmer or software developer if I didn’t have the technical aptitude of a caveman.
Then there are educational opportunities such as substitute teacher or school bus driver. That wouldn’t work because I dislike kids who aren’t blood relatives.
Working in a grocery deli is out because I’m all thumbs and quickly would slice several of my fingers along with the salami, chicken, turkey, roast beef, ham, bologna and cheese.
I considered becoming a politician but since I’m not full of hot air but full of integrity, I’m an ill fit.
So my last resort is being a chief executive officer. If you know of any companies or organizations who need a CEO, please let them know that I could add a certain panache. That’s what I’m good at it. Not the work, the presentation.