Building a culture of connection
I love it when science and religion agree on things. Happily, it’s occurring more often all the time. Not about the question as to whether or not God exists or the purpose of Jesus’ life and death, those will never be proven by science. It’s the practical, grounded advice that world scripture offers regarding how to relate with one another, with ourselves, and with our place in nature. There are observable and provable benefits to following that advice.
Some will disagree, of course. But when we start seeing a bit of the math as well as observations within sciences like quantum physics, or the multiple studies of happiness and longevity, we find that millennia-old spiritual advice on that subject has been right all along.
Relationships are everything. In fact, the Harvard Gazette notes that “several studies found that people’s level of satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 is a better predictor of physical health than their cholesterol levels were.”
One such study in particular, also from Harvard University in their Study of Adult Development, which began in 1938 and is ongoing, has shown that happiness, specifically happiness within relationships, is as important as good diet and physical activity for a longer, healthier life.
It seems that exercise and eating well are not entirely enough on their own. As well, maintaining great relationships but not caring for the body, is not enough either. Caring for our relationships is caring for the body too.
There are also studies that show people who participate in religious life live longer as well. Of course, some conclude it is specifically their relationship with the divine that merits longevity, and that may be a part of it, as well as how considerations of the divine tend to enhance our feelings of optimism. But participating in spiritual community definitely enhances the relationships within our lives. A busy church often has many ways in which to build friendships, find support in difficult times, and offer social reassurance.
It’s fair to point out here that not all churches are reassuring, though. Beware of religious toxicity. Pick another church or another denomination if yours is found to be encouraging a lack of relationship with anyone for any reason. That is not scriptural.
I’m referencing more than just Christianity here, for all world religions and spiritual practices have beliefs within them that are meant to enhance our relationships. But in my observation of biblical scripture, I have often noted that the category of human behavior most defined by the word “sin” are those actions that impact our relationships in a negative way. Lying, adultery, stealing, etc. These actions destroy relationships. They are inadvisable and with good reason.
Spiritual wisdom designed to enhance our relationships is always good advice, regardless of the terminology used to describe their alternative. There are many ways we are advised to behave for mutual benefit, such as caring for the poor, visiting the imprisoned, educating people, offering forgiveness, exhibiting compassion. These are all relationship-building activities that have been endorsed by religion long before any scientific studies existed to back them up.
So then, how do we create more relationships and enhance the ones we already have? Reach out to people you haven’t heard from in a while. Send them a text or an email or even a phone call. Invite them to lunch. See how they’re doing. Tell them how you’re doing. Get caught up.
And for all that the internet offers in terms of danger, there is a far greater resource of goodness to be found. The internet is packed with opportunities to connect with others and learn more about them. And with a few simple guidelines, it’s easy to navigate the tools of the Information
Age without unduly exposing ourselves to online trolls or scam artists.
Filter your experience online, based on joy. If someone’s posts are filled with complaints or criticisms, yet offer no solutions unfollow, unfriend or block them. You don’t need it. And it gets in the way of relationship. Why would you want to be friends with that?
As we continue to emerge from the COVID-19 pandemic, start to work against our lingering desire to stay hibernated from society. Get back out there, take an old friend to lunch, join a club or take a class.
Humans are a fully communal species. We exist almost exclusively in group form. It’s not that much of a leap to imagine that our emotional and even physical health might depend upon our active recognition of that fact and lean into it.
The prophets have always said so. And now we have some added basis to believe it.
Wil Darcangelo, M.div, is a Unitarian Universalist minister at the First Parish of Fitchburg and the First Church of Lancaster. Email wildarcangelo@gmail. com. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok @ wildarcangelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, can be found at hopefulthinkingworld.blogspot. com.