Ho‘oponopono, the ultimate healing
One of the most simple and elegant traditions I’ve ever come across is the Hawaiian spiritual practice of apology. It is referred to as Ho’oponopono. The word essentially means to make things right.
It’s a mantra ritual of four short statements: I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.
This philosophy of deep apology rests upon an ancient notion, one which has been confirmed in the modern era by quantum mechanics: that all reality, including all life, is connected.
It may seem hard to imagine that there is no quantum distance between you and anything else in creation. But there is literally no line where you end and the rest of reality begins. Our separateness is an illusion.
Yet we see ourselves as separate individuals, with our own feelings and desires, and definitely not responsible for the mistakes of others. In fact, we do our best to avoid taking responsibility for even the mistakes we ourselves have made. The blame game flourishes on planet Earth.
Ho’oponopono ignores that about us. It sidesteps the falsehood that we are separate and makes a practice of plugging us more mindfully into the mainframe of all existence. It tells us to forget all that separateness nonsense and acknowledge that we are all one, and to actively insert some genuine remorse, a desire for forgiveness, love, and gratitude directly into the soup of all reality.
When we offer the first statement — I am sorry
— we are typically not just offering it for our own actions, we are offering it for all the wrongs ever done. But we can also use the mantra to direct our consciousness to specific wrongs, like being sorry for having caused someone hurt feelings and feeling remorseful about it. Or we can direct I’m sorry to the wrongs that humanity has caused the Earth, or to one another.
We are often resistant to making apologies. It’s a vulnerability that some define as weakness. We logically resist apologizing when we feel we personally have done nothing wrong. But because we are all connected, in the use of the Ho’oponopono practice we are free to include ourselves in taking personal responsibility for the actions of others. Even the things over which we had no control, or perhaps even any knowledge of. It’s not the same as taking fault. It’s entrusting ourselves with the energetic healing of the aftermath of humanity’s actions.
The idea inside the practice is to understand and express true remorse, followed by a sincere request for forgiveness. Then an expression of genuine love, followed by a feeling of deep gratitude and appreciation. To whom you direct these expressions is up to you. They can be addressed to the beings that have been harmed, or to God, or to the ancestors. Or even to a speck of dust in your pocket. Since it is all connected, every single door opens into the same one room. You can always get there from here.
The practice is claimed to have magical benefits for our lives. It is said to make things happen which can border on the miraculous. Could that be true? I’d love to think so.
Maybe there is an actual benefit, both outwardly and inwardly, to taking full energetic responsibility for all the wrong things that have been caused in the world. At first blush, however. it feels like taking on a huge emotional burden. It feels like it would only increase our sense of anxiety. We often fault ourselves for too much as it is. Wouldn’t this practice just further enhance our despair?
Somehow, it’s the opposite. Because again, it’s not about fault, it’s about responsibility. Like adopting a child who has suffered trauma. We didn’t cause the trauma, but we are taking responsibility for its healing.
“For the trauma of sex trafficking in the world: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”
“For the colonization and enslavement perpetrated by one human upon another throughout history: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”
“For my bad relationship with money … For my poor health … For my broken dishwasher …
For my estranged relationship …” I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.
Maybe by tapping into the intrinsic connection we have with all reality, we might help to heal a bit of the trauma that has been injected into the world by the actions of our brothers and sisters, and often by ourselves as well. It’s the least we can do.
Wil Darcangelo, M.div, is a Unitarian Universalist minister at the First Parish of Fitchburg and the First Church of Lancaster. Email him at wildarcangelo@gmail. com. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok @ wildarcangelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, can be found at hopefulthinkingworld.blogspot. com.