Wife holds all the veto power
My wife and I have been married for 37 years. We have a fairly good marriage. However, when it comes to communication, there’s a lot of room for improvement. I would very much like to get a second dog. I’m home alone all day because I am on disability; I have few friends, and my social life consists of the time and attention I give my dog, “Rascal,” a standard schnauzer.
We can well afford another dog; we have a big enough home, a fencedin yard — all of the things necessary for responsible dog ownership. The problem is, if I mention the subject, my wife gets very angry and immediately dismisses the idea without any discussion.
We don’t discuss issues in our home. If my wife gives her thumbs-up, then it’s a go. If she gives a thumbs-down, it’s no-go. I don’t think there’s any reason why her refusal to get another dog should trump my desire to get one.
— Lonely For More in Ohio
Your problem is twofold. One is acquiring another dog. The other is the imbalance of power in your marriage. I agree that important decisions like this should be shared, but that’s not how things work between you and your wife. In your household, she has taken on the role of “alpha dog.”
Unless the two of you open enough lines of communication that you can be heard, nothing will change, and you will grow increasingly unhappy. If you can afford a licensed marriage and family therapist, make an appointment to talk with one about this and any other issues you and your wife can’t agree on. And I hope you are aware that you do not need her permission to get a second dog, if you are the person who will ensure it gets the love and care it needs.
My brotherin-law is with this woman, “Jana,” who has three children. They call him Dad. Jana is controlling, bipolar and a drunk. She doesn’t cook or clean. They will be married in a few months.
No one in our family liked Jana from the beginning. We have reason to believe he doesn’t love her and that he’s just attached to the kids. I don’t think we should go to the wedding. Should we let him go through with it and attend to support him? I don’t want those kids to suffer if their parents are in a miserable marriage.
— Objecting to it
If Jana is as bad as you say, the kids are already suffering. Whether their marriage will last is anybody’s guess. But you should definitely go to that wedding, if only to show him you are there for him on that day AND ALWAYS.