Reproductive coercion – sabotage, manipulation, abuse
Does your partner support your decisions about when, or if, you want to become pregnant? When I was a teen, some of my classmates told me another girl “was trying to trick her boyfriend into getting her pregnant.” That girl was a friend of mine.
She told me her boyfriend was pressuring her to get pregnant to prove her love. I didn’t know what to do to help her. Back then, no research existed about what is now known as “reproductive coercion,” a form of domestic and sexual violence.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence says approximately 25 percent of women who are being physically or sexually abused by their partners also report being pressured or forced to become pregnant.
An abuser seeking power and control over their partner’s body by forcing pregnancy is a way to gain a feeling of absolute control. In its severe form, this need to control is so extreme some abusers will force women to get pregnant and then try to force them to abort.
More often, the abuser sees the forced birth of a child as a path to permanently control and tie his victim and their child to him for life. In a 2010 study of
1,300 women who visited federal- and state-subsidized California family-planning clinics, 15 percent had had their birth control sabotaged;
20 percent had been urged by a boyfriend not to use birth control or been threatened he would leave if she wouldn’t get pregnant.
Warning signs of reproductive coercion can be obvious or subtle. Hiding or disposing of the partner’s birth control pills or diaphragm; refusing to wear a condom; taking it off during sex without consent (also called “stealthing”) or poking holes in it; saying that your use of birth control pills means you want to have affairs or “will make you fat” are all abusive behaviors and reasons to rethink the relationship. Some abusers take a softer approach, saying “people who really love one another would want to make a baby,” or “If you have a baby we’ll always be connected.”
Reproductive coercion can happen to women of any age, race, education or socioeconomic level, married or single. Information is available to help you protect yourself. Here are some tips:
1. Using condoms helps avoid unplanned/unwanted pregnancies and are still the only proven barrier to sexually transmitted infections and diseases. Someone who really cares about you will respect your request to always use them.
2. If sex feels different to you, check the condoms and make sure they haven’t been tampered with.
3. Find out more about emergency contraception and know how to access it when you need it.
4. Consider a type of contraception you can hide, or that’s harder to sabotage, like Depo-Provera shots or an IUD with the strings clipped. These alone do not prevent STIs, however.
5. Get tested for STIs. Some don’t have symptoms but will cause future harm to you.
6. Talk to a healthcare provider. If you don’t want to leave the relationship, you can still try to prevent STIs or unwanted pregnancies.
This can be hard to share with family, friends, or others, such as a minister or health care provider. But if you’re feeling pressured to have a baby before you’re ready, talk with someone. Call CAV’s free and confidential hotline at (575) 758.9888. Or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 (800) 799-SAFE or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1 (800) 656-HOPE.
Malinda Williams is the executive director of Community Against Violence, Inc. (CAV) which offers FREE confidential support and assistance for adult and child survivors of sexual and domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking; community and school violence prevention programs; re-education BIP groups for domestic violence offenders; counseling; shelter; transitional housing; and community thrift store. To talk with someone or get information on services available, call CAV ’s 24-hour crisis line at (575) 758-9888. VIsit the website at TaosCAV.org.