ASK GOLDEN WILLOW
Dear Me,
Wow, there is a lot of information to unpack in your note, and I thank you.
The world appears to be in a crisis most of the time – with a lot of different issues, disruptions, eruptions, change, fear, healing, connection and any other descriptors you want to put in the stew of turmoil and change.
When your foundation of how you have defined yourself and the world around you has been rattled (to any level) there is loss, and while you are in the midst of redefining the present situation, you are in a grief process.
Usually before you step into the grief process there are different degrees of trauma where your brain feels as if you and everything you know is being dismantled and taken away. This sets your brain into self-preservation mode in which you may feel everything is about you and your well-being. This may feel “selfish” and if you think about the definition of the word selfish, it is characterized by manifesting concern or care for one’s self.
When you are in the midst of disruption and change, there may be a higher need of care for yourself. Being more conscious of your health and well-being can help your brain know that you are working to reestablish a level of safety and decrease hyper-vigilance, ruminating thoughts, high levels of anxiety, and other symptoms of fear due to disruption.
As the brain senses a feeling of control or movement away from discomfort, it can start to relax and allow for a higher level of mindfulness, with care for others and the world around you.
Self-care and self-awareness does not have to mean your are being self-indulgent. It may mean you are taking the time to make sure you are OK and safe in order expand your circle of safety out into the rest of the world. It is tricky dance between self-care and indulgent behavior, but by your question and the way you are taking action to build safety, I believe you are on the right track.
Setting internal boundaries that help keep you safe while consciously navigating your decisions on what is good for you and what is not is always a good opportunity for healing and growth during disruptive times.
I wish you health and safety. Until next week, take care.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, founder of Golden Willow Retreat, at GWR@newmex.com.