Communication is more important than ever

This weekly column seeks to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted:

The inauguration has come and gone, the insurrection did not lead to a takeover, COVID-19 is still being attacked, but now with vaccines and social cooperation and it is a new year. After 2020, I see these as great strides for reaching a new beginning in our world and yet, I am still extremely nervous about this year and can’t quite think that all is well now. Does this make sense?

Thanks, Beginnings Dear Beginnings:

Whenever there is a breakthrough in how something has been done and a new way of moving forward is presented, there is usually some level of trepidation, anxiety, sadness and excitement all bundled up into one big ball. You sharing your feelings about how turbulent the last year has been is most likely shared by multiple groups and individuals across the world, especially in the United States with the political tensions and the rage and anger culminating to a head on Jan. 6, as well as the election reaching a culmination with the inauguration.

The year 2020 disrupted many parts of life and caused radical changes within most normalized ways of being – mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Most of these changes had high levels of denial and resistance as the status quo for daily life was shattered. With new beginnings, there are high levels of reluctance, fear, anxiety, doubt and hope, all at the same moment, as you step into the unknown of what will happen next. There can be sadness and anger that things aren’t the way you hoped they would be, or inspiration in feeling things are moving forward. Either way, it appears there has been a shift in government and that the pandemic is possibly moving towards loosening the grip it has had on our world.

These are exciting times and I see excitement at the collision of fear and hope, in which there is energy to have action. For our society to move forward, communication will be crucial for reparations of the trauma experienced over the last year.

In order to bridge differences rather than increase separation and fear, we will need to find ways to listen and be more open to our differences, without having to be defensive, and that it is okay to share feelings and talk about topics that are possibly controversial. Non-violent communication will be a necessity and there are important tools to help with this type of communication.

The person speaking needs to remember to express from a place of what was observed, what was felt, what is needed and requested. This is a great way to talk about yourself rather than “attack” the other person. From the listener’s point of view, remember to empathetically hear the speaker, rather than personalize it and have it become about their self.

In this is someone else’s views, it does not mean it defines you or represents you, only information for you to process. This will help set the stage of openness for each person to be seen, heard and valued, rather than dismissed and belittled. Actions that cut communication off are interrupting, rushing someone to finish what they have to say, monopolizing the speaking platform, being defensive or attacking if someone has a difference, whether it is an opinion or way of doing something or sharing about a hurtful action.

Remembering that someone is taking a chance by sharing with you and staying open, can allow intimacy for more communication, with less barriers for growth and safety. Start as individuals, then move to community, and hopefully embrace it on a national level. My hope is that this type of communication will be a reminder that we actually have more in common than we have differences, and these new beginnings can lead to better days ahead.

I wish you well. Until next week, take care.

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat GWR@newmex.com.