Acceptance
The Taos News has committed to implement a weekly column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat, and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing. Dear Dr. Ted:
I woke up this morning and was thinking about the phases of grief and how they are playing such an enormous part in my life these days after the loss of my father. I have heard you talk about the phases of grief and how acceptance is not an easy process and has so many different meanings. Can you say more, as I’m finding acceptance to be a tough pill to swallow?
Thanks, Ron
Dear Ron,
It sounds like you are in the midst of a conscious grief process, in which you are honoring your father as you walk with grief, thank you for sharing with us about your journey. As you are thinking about the natural and normal healing process called grief, you may find it difficult to navigate the semantics of how the five stages of grief are titled: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Personally, the first time I heard these words I retracted from the notion of grief as they all seemed negative to me, especially acceptance.
Words are important and even though verbiage can mean so many things, it is easy to find a negative connotation to a certain word, especially in the midst of loss and grief. I like to think of acceptance in the grief process as acknowledgement of the facts. This would take away the connotation of being “done,” that everything is okay or even great. Grief’s job does not take away the loss or remove sadness, it allows you to not be confined and defined by that loss, and be able to integrate that loss into your present life.
There are many levels to the grief phase of acceptance. Of course, there is the intellectual acknowledgement that this loss has truly happened, which may happen quickly. With acceptance there are also levels of this as a lifelong process; your way of interacting with the world may have changed; roles within the family or your inner circle may be disrupted; your emotional life may be in upheaval and not in alignment with your cognitive process; and many other levels of accepting that your perception of the world around you has all been changed and disrupted.
Within the five stages of grief, acceptance is usually listed last, and yet in many ways, acceptance is first phase, as there has to be some level of acknowledgement that a loss has happened. From that acknowledgement of loss begins the in and out of all the phases of grief.
Acceptance is also that transformative phase in which you integrate your loss into your present life and acknowledge that there is change, and you have changed from who you used to be to who you are today. Acceptance recognizes your entire life and helps bridge the good, bad and in-between and allows you to step forward into today’s world holding the entirety of joy and sorrow that bluntly defines you today.
Please stay safe and until next week, stay healthy, conscious and continue to grow within your journey.
Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat GWR@newmex.com or call at 575-776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through goldenwillowretreat. org.