The drumbeat of life

The Taos News has committed to implement a weekly column to help educate our community about emotional healing through grief. People may write questions to Golden Willow Retreat, and they will be answered privately to you and possibly as a future article for others. Please list a first name that grants permission for printing.

Dear Dr. Ted:

I’m starting to realize how many losses there are in my life as well as others. These last few months, I have experienced deaths of loved ones, financial strife, isolation and fear from COVID-19, and even the fear I won’t have a job because it isn’t snowing. I feel like my drumbeat in

Dear Shannon,

I had someone come up to me this week and state how the world was really difficult right now and how there are so many losses, which make it hard to not feel grounded. There are a lot of compounded losses happening in our word and it can be very difficult to emotionally navigate all the personal and collective losses.

I appreciate your analogy of the drumbeat of life and being shattered in the midst of a loss. Whenever you have a loss, it shakes your foundation of how you define yourself and how you interact with the world around you. Sometimes the foundation is rocked so hard that it may feel it was obliterated and other times feel more like a small shift in your perception of who and what you are in that moment. When loss happens and that foundation is rattled, your psyche wants to reestablish that foundation mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Grief allows the process to build a new foundation, which is rarely the old foundation because your life has been redefined by a loss. Structure actually helps you navigate the world around you and stay grounded in order to make decisions that support you, rather than making reactive choices because you feel dysregulated. The structure is the drumbeat. It does not have to be overbearing, suffocating or confining, but gives direction for your next step in life. It may be as simple (and difficult) as getting up in the morning and having certain rituals in order to go to work. Brushing your teeth, having breakfast, taking out the trash, checking your phone or whatever else you do, are all rituals and help you have a cadence within your day.

After a loss, these simple as well as complex rituals get shambled, and everything seems out of rhythm and overwhelming. Over time, with the help of grief, you start to reestablish rituals and find a new grounding to navigate and normalize the new dance the world presents to you. Finding doable goals that allow you to reach forward helps pull you through the rough and messy road of rebuilding life after a loss. I wish you well and please stay safe. Until next week, take care.

life has been shattered, and I’m not sure what instrument I’m playing. Do you think this is true for most people in the world right now?

Golden Willow Retreat is a nonprofit organization focused on emotional healing and recovery from any type of loss. Direct any questions to Dr. Ted Wiard, EdD, LPCC, CGC, Founder of Golden Willow Retreat GWR@ newmex.com or call at 575776-2024. Weekly virtual grief groups, at no charge, are being offered to help support emotional well-being. Information can be accessed through

Thanks, Shannon